DGM Rulebook
by The Accomplice
Summary: Lavi decides to write a rulebook for the members of the Black Order. Road helps. (I think these are hysterical, but I'm just typing for Accomplice, so what do I know?). Includes whacked rules, deranged Komlins, sadistic Road, vague references to trivial and pointless thoughts, and sleep deprived idiots.
1. Let's Not Tell

When Allen opened his door that morning, the first thing he saw saw a piece of paper titled The Black Order Rulebook. Looking down the hall, he saw copies of the paper taped to every door.

* * *

1. Do not make Allen mad.

a) We need him.

b) He is the Destroyer of Time.

c) Calling him Noah-chan is likely to annoy him at best, enrage him and cause him to release the 14th at worst.

This should have been fairly obvious, but some Exorcists and Finders had apparently picked up Lavi's habit of calling Allen "His dear, sweet, Noah-chan." The only reason Lavi could get away with this was because Kanda had first dibs on ending his existence.

2. Tyki is now officially recognized as Allen's stalker.

a) Nicknames such as Teaseman, Thick-lens, and Butterfly Boy are acceptable.

Since the Noah had taken to following Allen around in both his light and dark form, Lavi declared that Tyki must be Allen's boyfriend. Allen could be heard screaming, "He's not my boyfriend, he's my stalker!" while chasing Lavi with Edge End.

3. Do not irritate Kanda.

a) Only Road can do this, and hope to survive.

b) Lavi is not an exception, Kanda is just trying to come up with an extraordinarily unique and painful way to kill him, preferably one that takes a long time.

Kanda snapped. It was most likely Lavi's fault, but Allen claimed partial credit. Kanda was in no state to tell his sidde of things. He was too busy trying to track the two down and kill them. The Science Department ended up creating a barrier to trap Kanda in. He swore every one of them would die a death nearly as painful and drawn-out as Lavi's.

4. Do not steal Mugen.

a) This means you, Lavi.

b) And you, Road.

Somehow, Lavi had teamed up with the blue-haired Noah. They had made an unholy alliance, and even Tyki couldn't stop them. The world was doomed.

5. Though they show up from time to time to stalk Allen or play with Lavi, Noah are still our enemies.

a) We do not invite them to parties.

b) Or accept tea party invitations from Road.

The two Noah were such a common occurrence at HQ that people had taken to inviting them to events. In return, Road hosted a tea party. Allen and Kanda had come back wearing dresses. Allen had needed therapy, and Kanda needed to be heavily sedated.

6. Komui must register his experiments with Reever.

a) Explanations of what they do, how long the effects last, and potential side effects are necessary.

b) No more de-aging or gender-changing potions are to be created. All current ones must be turned over to Reever as well.

The higher-ups had heard rumors of some of Komui's experiments. They panicked, fearing possible revenge from HQ, and requested this rule. Komui sulked for days. Then, with no warning, he began hanging out with Road. And whispering. Allen contemplated taking the twins up on their offer to kill him. It was taking too long for Kanda to do it.

7. Timothy is not permitted to try possessing Allen's body.

a) It gives him (Allen) a headache.

Lavi had heard how Timothy could possess Akuma. He wondered if it could extend to the Noah. Allen was not pleased. Timothy on the other hand, had loved it. He'd had an intellectually stimulating conversation with Neah on their unique habits, and driven Black Allen up a wall. Lenalee eventually felt pity for the poor moyashi, and removed Timothy.

8. Do not accept fudge, brownies, or cookies, from either Tyki or Road.

a) They are most likely poisoned.

b) Or drugged.

Road was bored. Tyki had weed. They decided to give the sweets as "gifts". What followed after was a three day strike, buffet, jousting competition, and somehow Lulubell appeared. And then disappeared. Kanda hoped he had been hallucinating. He was never going to close his eyes around Lavi again.

9. Do not steal Lavi's hammer while he is on a mission.

a) Road will save him, but that help comes with a price.

Kanda and Allen had taken revenge. Lavi was abandoned at the mercy of 5 level 2 Akuma. Road decided to save him, and then informed him that she was owed a life-debt. Lavi made a poor choice.

10. Do not play dolls with Road.

a) It has a detrimental effect on whatever sanity you cling to.

To repay Road for saving him on his last mission, Lavi had agreed to spend two days with her. When he came back to the Order, he wore nothing but frilly skirts and lacy tops for a week. Allen almost died due to muscle strain. he had tried to keep from laughing. Tyki had no such issues. He almost died of the laughter.

11. Do not tell the higher-ups about the time Tyki was partially turned into a cat.

a) They are currently pretending that they don't know about the two Noah who frequent the Order.

b) No need to inform them about the tea parties either.

This should have been obvious, but some poor fool had to search each report before sending them to the higher-ups.

12. No matter how tempting it is, do not refer to Lulubell as "that cute little puddy-tat."

a) She is not friendly with us.

b) She will turn into a giant black panther, and gut you.

Lavi. There was something wrong with that kid.

13. You do not mention debts around Allen.

a) We do not want the Black Demon Allen to appear.

Jasdevi had found him on a mission. Lavi ran and hid. In the end, Jasdevi had fled, the Akuma were dead, and the town was in ruins.

14. Do not play poker with Allen.

a) You will lose.

b) The exception is Tyki. But only sometimes.

Poor, poor fools. Anyone who thought they could out-cheat Allen often went home in just their underwear.

15. Do not mention the word "kinky" around Tyki.

a) We do not need Allen cowering in the labs again.

b) Tyki grins. Freakily.

No one likes a Tyki freaky- er, a freaky Tyki. And we all know he's obsessed with Allen. No need to give him any ideas.

* * *

Lavi put down his pencil, and leaned back in his chair. Road skipped over to him and flung herself in his lap.

"All done?"

Lavi grinned. "Yup. Could you convince Tyki to put this in the mess hall?"

"Sure thing!"

Road ran off yelling, "TYYYYYYYKKIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

Lavi chuckled quietly. This was going to be fun.


	2. The Invisible Homicidal Samurai

Yay! I actually got reviews on this thing! I cannot express how excited I feel at this moment!

AutumnMobile12: I like messing with the higherups. Sending them a few reports about the Noah just makes my day.

Booklover2526: Yeah, I love tormenting characters. And messing with Allen is so much fun! He's so innocent. And yet so evil!

So! On with the story!

* * *

Allen cautiously poked his head out of his room. He looked up and down the hall. No papers. Maybe it was just a one tim-

"PAPER DELIVERY!"

A blue and grey blur streaked by on a pink umbrella, papers flying in its wake. Allen groaned bent down to pick one of the papers up. He read the first rule, and blinked in confusion. _What's fanfiction?_ He wondered.

* * *

16. Quit finding fanfiction about us.

a) And posting them in the hallways

b) Or training grounds

c) Seriously people, Komui doesn't need anymore bad ideas!

For reasons unknown, persons unknown had found and taped up fanfiction of varying sorts all throughout the Black Order. Kanda was ready to kill someone. And someone else was hiding and making absolutely no noise.

17. Do not show Komui any fanfiction relating to Lenalee being in a relationship with anyone else

a) He is _The _Sister-Complex

b) He will try to kill anyone paired with his 'precious Lenalee'

Lavi was in the infirmary and Allen hadn't been seen for days. Komui had developed a whole new class of Komurins to deal with the Octopi.

18. Do not mention Yullen to Kanda or Allen.

a) Feel free to discuss it amongst yourselves

The homicidal samurai had to be sedated again and Allen was crying in the bathroom. To be honest, some of that stuff was truly traumatizing.

19. Do not make an invisibility potion and put it in Kanda's soba

a) He doesn't like people messing with his soba

b) When we can't see him, we can't protect ourselves

c) Use common sense people!

No one knew who the culprit was. Komui claimed to be innocent. And all his potions had been confiscated. Everyone feared the invisible samurai. At least when he was visible you could see him coming, even if you couldn't do anything about it.

20. Don't discuss Yullen out loud

a) Or even in your head

b) You shouldn't converse with the voices. They may have good ideas, but still, no.

c) Kanda is still invisible, but he isn't deaf

This rule was posted after the seventh finder was put in infirmary in critical condition. And Lavi swore he could feel someone's breath on the back of his neck. Kanda laughed, sending everyone into a panic.

21. There is now a rule suggestion box!

a) Feel free to add ideas!

b) Don't worry, it's Kanda proof!

People wanted to submit ideas to the list. As no one knew the identities of the list makers, people were grateful for said box.

22. As Kanda is still invisible, just assume he is following you everywhere

a) And stop talking about Yullen in public

b) We've already mentioned this people!

c) We only have so many capable personnel

People still discussing Yullen in the hallways had been attacked by an invisible person wielding a sword. As there was only one sword-wielding invisible person around, it wasn't hard to figure out who was responsible. It was decided that something had to be done about Kanda. No one had any ideas as to _what_ to do.

23. Randomly pointing at Allen and screaming "My God, a Noah!" is NOT okay

a) Allen only has so much patience

b) Stupid rabbit

Allen was glaring at everyone. Lavi had a black eye. Lenalee would cover her mouth whenever she saw either of those two, and Miranda would hide.

* * *

Lavi's door flew open. "Ah hah!" Lenalee shouted. "I knew it was you!"

Lavi's eye darted around, looking for someone, anyone else. No luck. He grinned weakly. "Who, me? What did I do?"

Lenalee let the door swing shut and stalked to where he was sitting on the bed. Picking a piece of paper up off the floor, she quickly scanned it and then slowly turned her gaze toward the terrified rabbit. "You're responsible for the list."

Lavi gulped. Man, did she look scary! "W-well," he stuttered "Road's in on it too!"

Lenalee just stared at him.

"P-please don't kill me! Please don't tell anyone!" he finally screamed.

Lenalee laughed. "Oh Lavi, I'd _never_ tell anyone. As long as I get to help." Her expression twisted evilly.

'Oh no! It's Dark Lenalee!' thought Lavi. "O-okay! Yeah, sure, that'd be great!" he squeaked out.

People passing by in the hallway could hear maniacal laughter coming from Lavi's room.

* * *

Ok! Just wanted to say that I fully support Yullen! And Tykan, Lucky, and all that. And Kandalot. Hmmm... need to work on that name a bit. Kanda and Road are my favorite insane pairing!

I really just like poking fun at all the fanfictions out there about Komui's potions doing something weird to my favorite characters. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good bit of them, I just find it funny that such a simple thing has become such a trend!

Now, about the suggestion box. I would love any random ideas you have so that I can contort them to my desires! I'll give ya credit and everything! Promise!

Ah! Dark Lenalee! Well, I just rewatched the episode where Dark Allen shows up for the first time and thought, hmmm... Dark Lenalee. Scary. Lavi would be terrified!

Hope you enjoyed this!


	3. Of Candy, Asia, and Music

**Accomplice:** I think I'm getting addicted to reviews... and coffee, but let's not go into that. Hotpocket Hunter has had to deal with me like that twice now... Anything to add, Hotpocket?

**Hotpocket:** Yeah! No one send virtual coffee! She's freaking psychotic And likes to dive-bomb people with her little brother's remote control shark-balloon thingy! And falls down the stairs frequently! Yeah, anyway, I've started on a friends vs. best friends fic for Lavi and Allen, even if all the other stories on my profile are temporarily being neglected in favor of D. Gray-Man.(Read:Allen Walker, Most Glorious of Plotbunnies.)

**Accomplice:** Anyways, hugs and kisses (well, it is Valentine's day, or at least it is now, but it's not gonna be tomorrow when I post it so... where was I?) and lot of appreciation go out to people who reviewed. Special thanks to AutumnMobile12, who provided me with the idea for rule 31 and CrazyAnimeOtaku198, who came up with rules 26 and 32.

Enjoy!

* * *

Allen raced into the Mess Hall, pink earmuffs covering his ears. Finders and exorcists stopped eating and stared as the white-haired teen threw himself into Lavi's arms.

"LAVI! YOU-" He stopped shouting as Lavi removed the earmuffs and then continued at a normal volume. " Have to help me! They won't shut up!"

Lavi and Lenalee exchanged confused glances, then Lavi looked back at Allen. "Who is it? What are they doing?" He could feel Allen's body shaking in his arms. "Tyki and Road." Allen whispered at last. Lenalee looked at him, concerned. "Allen, what did they do to you?" Allen just shook his head, muttering under his breath. Finally, "They won't stop. The singing. They said... they said they found a theme song. No more, please, no more!" he moaned. Invisible Kanda put down his chopsticks. "Singing?" Allen just nodded, still shaking. Then, from outside the hall, two deceivingly lovely voices could be heard. Everyone who had resumed eating immediately froze again, and Allen's shaking intensified. "They're coming." he whispered.

The first to go were the group of finders nearest the entrance. They ran out of the hall as the singing became more audible. Pretty soon, the whole hall was vacant, except for Allen, who was still shaking in Lavi's arms, Lavi, who was holding Allen, Lenalee, who would never abandon her comrades, and Kanda, who would never run from the Noah, as he had his image to maintain. Also, No one could see him as he was still invisible. And so they alone beheld the sight of Tyki walking down the hall with Road skipping alone beside him, the both of them singing "End of All Hope" as if their lives depended on it.

Lavi ran in fear, carrying Allen with him to safety, Lenalee tagging along to make sure they would be okay, leaving Kanda to deal with the Noah. Kanda waited until the sounds of his comrades fleeing had faded, before turning to Tyki and Road, both of whom were unwittingly approaching him. He silently drew Mugen and smirked. Stupid Noah.

* * *

24. "End of All Hope" is not our theme song

a) Do not sing it while at headquarters

b) Or on missions

c) The higherups fear us enough as it is

d) The whole "end all the innocence" part of it all hits a bit too close to home, especially when sung by Tyki

Reever was making a list of banned songs. It was currently 2 pages long and posted in the Labs. Allen's only comment was "It's opera... ... ..."

25. Allen is not allowed to sing "Slaying the Dreamer"

a) While chasing Road

b) With Crowned Clown

c) Nightwish is banned all together

Allen had finally snapped. Everyone blamed Lavi for obtaining the accursed CD. Although everyone appreciated Allen's sense of irony.

26. Do not anger Lenalee unless you have a death wish, or if you are Lavi.

a) We only have limited medical supplies after a Lenalee attack.

b) Komui does not approve. End of story...

Afterward, Lavi ended up covered in bandages after a Komui/Lenalee attack and now cries whenever he hears the word mini-skirt or boots.

27. Declaring the Asia Branch its own country is not permitted

a) Neither is refusing to rejoin the Black Order unless Lenalee marries Bak

b) Komui will kill you

No one was sure what was wrong with Bak anymore. And Komui had barricaded Lenalee and himself in the labs. Road and Tyki made frequent trips through the wall.

28. Sending Road to the Asia Branch is not an appropriate method of revenge

a) Even if she promises to videotape the whole thing and make copies for everyone

b) We **are **on the same side, people!

Road went to Asia. If asked what she did there to get them to rejoin the Order she would just shrug and say, "Tea-party." No one wanted the details.

29. You do not tell Skinn how to get to Candy Mountain.

a) It doesn't exist.

b) He's still trying to find Charlie.

Apparently, while telling Skinn about Candy Mountain, Lavi had neglected to mention that unicorns didn't exist.

30. Turning the river passage into a water-slide is not a good idea

a) We use boats, people.

b) One word: Budget.

No one had any common sense. Or even any sense. Or concept of money.

31. To whoever it is who has tapped the communications systems, CEASE AND DESIST!

a) Disturbing messages disturb

b) We need communications to communicate should, God forbid, anything bad happen to anyone *coughAllencough* and we need to be able to contact them!

c) Threatening people isn't allowed either

Someone had developed the habit of calling up finders and exorcists and either leaving them disturbing/borderline insane messages or threatening them. People were becoming concerned.

32. Do not tell Kanda or Allen about Lavi's new fear of mini-skirts and boots

a) Let's face it, the two of them will take advantage of this as a way of revenge!

b) Do we really want Lavi crying all the time? I mean, he is an idiot but he can't be that bad right?

A few minutes after this rule was posted Allen could be seen walking around the order smiling as if he had just won a poker game while laughing could be heard at random places. Lavi had mysteriously disappeared soon after...

33. Beware the practice grounds on the 4th floor

a) We are pretty sure the invisible homicidal samurai has taken up residence there

b) He may have helped us against the Tyki and Road singing attack, but Kanda still holds a grudge

After witnessing a sword hovering in mid-air on the 4th floor, Komui declared it off-limits in an attempt to protect people from their own stupidity. Such as pissing off an invisible entity.

34. Do not run through the halls screaming "Yuu-chan!"

a) No one is** that** impervious to mortal injury

b) Except for Lavi. Somehow.

Luckily, Lavi was the only one brave/dumb enough to try this. The invisible samurai was not amused.

* * *

Lenalee looked over Lavi's shoulder at the list. There were so many possible rules. They had only just scratched the surface.

"So, Lavi... mini-skirts?"

She was rewarded with a flinch and slight cower.

"Aw, but you looked so cute after that time with Road-" A hand covered her mouth. She met Lavi's desperate gaze with a look of amusement. And that was how Komui found them 5 seconds later when he burst into Lenalee's room. Lavi, with his hand over Lenalee's mouth, their heads close together, gazing into each others eyes...

"LAVI!"

Allen was walking down the hall when a red blur sprinted past. It was followed immediately after by Komui who was shouting, "Come back here, you pervert! My Lenalee!"

Allen stared after them, then shook his head and continued on to Lenalee's room, where there was sure to be cake.

* * *

Oh, Allen and his cake. Rules are fun... to break! YAY! Hotpocket had to put up with a candy and coffee hyper me yesterday so extra love goes out to her! (Because I figure that... today vs. tomorrow... it doesn't matter...)

And I'm gonna start naming the chapters... because I want to... so if anyone has any ideas for chapter names let me know and I'll make Hotpocket choose! Because adding to her stress life makes my life so much fun!


	4. Sacrificial Beansprout

I'm sad. Hotpocket has been doing a play for the past week and I have no one to entertain me! Oh well, at least I have fanfiction. I sit in philosophy, wise expression on my face, nodding sagely and ignoring the looks my table mates give me while I frantically scribble down story ideas. Darn you plot bunnies! There are just too many of them. I miss my Hotpocket. She can defend me from them. Although, most of them are her fault.

I would like to thank everyone for their reviews and ideas. Especially AutumnMobile12, for rules 38, 41, and 48, CrazyAnimeOtaku198 for rules 39 and 40, and my little brother for rule 36.

On with the Rules!

* * *

Komui looked at the reports on his desk and sighed. There were so many of them, and they all said the same thing. Some just had different words. But the majority asked him to pretty please take care of the ghost problem. Komui groaned, then let his head thunk down onto the desk. Being Chief was exhausting.

Lavi put down his pencil. He had no ideas for The Rulebook, and Road wasn't there to entertain him. She had been called away by the Earl, and Tyki was probably busy stalking Allen. Lavi decided to go annoy- er- _visit _Kanda to try and come up with some ideas. He turned around and froze. Someone was sitting on his bed. And, she was HOT! "STRIKE!" Lavi shouted, running towards the figure on his bed. His bed. Lavi stopped. "Uh, hi. What are you doing on my bed? Not that I want you to leave, but, um, who are you?" The girl just looked at him. Her eyes... her pretty blue eyes. "You're so beautiful." Lavi whispered. A knock at the door startled him and he twisted around, eye widening in shock.

Allen called out to him, voice muffled slightly by the door. "Uh, Lavi? Could you help me? Weird girls keep hugging me at random. Lenalee's here too, some guys keep stalking her."

Lavi looked frantically between the girl on his bed and his door. On one hand, beautiful girl. On the other, two of his best friends. _Why do I always get stuck with the hard choices?_ He asked himself. Luckily, no one answered his mental question. Sighing, Lavi got up and walked over to the door. He opened it to find a terrified Allen and and irritated Lenalee, both of whom glared at him. "Hey guys, what's with the 'you are so dead, rabbit' looks? And, uh, come in." Allen and Lenalee stepped into the room, stopping when they noticed the girl sitting on Lavi's bed.

"Lavi," Lenalee spoke in a cold voice, eyes flashing to the redhead who was smiling sheepishly, "who's the girl?"

Lavi grimaced and then smiled again. "I don't know. But-" Suddenly the girl jumped off his bed and ran out the still open door. Allen, Lenalee, and Lavi stared in shock for a second and then ran out into the hallway in pursuit. They saw the girl turn down the hallway that led to the labs and ran that way too. But when they reached the turn, no one was there. The hallway was completely empty. _Where did she go? _Lavi wondered.

Kanda was meditating. It was supposed to be a calming experience, but when he kept getting glomped by random people of both sexes, it ceased to be relaxing in the slightest. Every time he slashed at one of them, they would run out the door and disappear. It was very irritating.

Komui stabbed the pencil repeatedly into his desk. Strange people appearing and disappearing at random, his precious Lenalee being stalked by manly men, Kanda getting annoyed, it was too much. Much too much. "Why me?!" he asked of the empty office, getting a weird glance from his coffee cup.

Lavi picked up his pencil again. Allen had gone off to get food, and now Lenalee was here. And, he had an idea. _Too bad the girl didn't stick around. _And then, _I really need to stop talking to myself. It's getting kinda creepy._

* * *

35. Stop sending reports to Komui about our strange visitors

a) We don't know anything about them either

b) Yes, they are real. No, they are not ghosts

c) Komui doesn't do his paperwork anyways, you are just adding to that mess he calls an office

People were concerned about the random strangers who kept popping up everywhere around HQ. They would vanish down corridors and not be seen again. And Komui just used the reports as pillows.

36. "Another One Bites the Dust" is not to be sung anytime, anywhere

a) Unless you're destroying Akuma

b) And there are no civilians around

Lavi and Road went on a mission together. The citizens of the town were grateful to be saved, but terribly disturbed by the song. However, many complemented Road on her singing voice, which only stoked her ego that much more. No one needed that.

37. Lavi and Road do not go on missions together unsupervised

a) They should always have someone to supervise them, really

b) Bad things happen

There was a pool going around on how much damage the Unholy Alliance would cause on their next mission. Honestly, their antics cost the Black Order almost as much as Allen's eating necessities did. To date, the two of them were responsible for the River Slide, Poker Night, Hyper Allen Day, Hyper Kanda Day, Drunk Komui Day, Date a Pervert Day... etc etc etc

38. New dress-code initiated by Central

a) Stop sending photos of Pajama Day to the Vatican

b) They don't find it nearly as amusing as we do

c) Lenalee, stop wearing your swim suit at HQ, it freaks Komui out

Central decided to skip its monthly inspection and instead sent a letter informing all personnel of the initiation of a new dress-code. 'Wear regular uniforms in public, or outfits approved by Komui and Central.' In protest of this rule, Lenalee and Road wandered around in their swimsuits for a day. Komui found out and nearly wiped out HQ trying to protect his darling little sister from 'the gazes of all those dirty men'. Tyki declared that he washed daily.

39. Do not say the word Yullen around Kanda or Allen .

a) It will become one of the rare moments where Allen and Kanda team up to kill the person who said it.

b) Come on people, we have a small budget and are short on medical supplies ever since Kanda became invisible!

This rule became a necessity after Lavi showed Kanda and Allen a Yullen fanfic ... afterward, the two of them formed a pact to kill anyone who so much as said the word Yullen . They would have killed anyone suspected of thinking the word, but Lenalee told informed them that lives are worth money. They wouldn't want to be in debt, would they? Komui was very grateful. They were running low on medical supplies and the next shipment wasn't due till next week.

40. Fanfiction is not allowed in the Black Order anymore and no one is allowed to say words such as Yullen, Lavalee, etc...

a) If you say a word that is supposed to represent a pairing usually the people in the pairing get angry and threaten to kill you

b) In the case of Yullen, see above rule

c) Komui still does not approve of Lenalee pairing fics and will send Sir Komurin after anyone who supports these fics

d) Right now we have an invisible Kanda. Do you really want to push your luck ?

Fanfiction soon spread like wildfire around the Black Order and more and more people had been hospitalized due to Sir Komurin, Allen, and Kanda. Sadly, Lavi was very persistent and everyone had since lost count of how many times he had to be dragged to the infirmary to be fixed up.

41. Lavi (and company) are not allowed to read aloud/perform/sing any part of Dracula

a) It puts Krory in a bloodthirsty mood

b) You know, the one in which he will kill you just to shut you up?

Lavi had been bored and tried to think of ways to annoy people. Kanda was invisible, and finding him was to much of a hassle, so Lavi decided to annoy Krory instead. He was talking to Tyki, trying to come up with a plan when they both thought of Dracula. Road wanted to get involved. They even rounded up a few finders. In the end, everyone made use of the two Noah's powers in order to escape an enraged Krory

42. A bored Lavi is a Bad Lavi

a) Find a way to end the boredom immediately

b) But don't involve Road

c) Remember Krory?

d) Noah-chan?

e) Hyper Allen Day?

Lavi was still bored, even after being chased by Krory for eleven hours. Komui decided to end the boredom before anymore damage could be done. He turned Lavi into a girl. Tyki got very interested. Lavi got very scared and ran for his life.

43. If Road is heard humming "Love Game", find and hide Allen

a) Then destroy the CD.

b) And kill Lavi

Lavi bought Road a CD. The sadistic child immediately memorized every song. And began paying special attention to Allen. Luckily, Tyki was still obsessed with Allen, and took the boy into his care until Road could be stopped. And Kanda decided the whole 'never hit a girl' rule didn't extend to boys who had been turned into girls. Yes, Lavi was still a girl, but only because Allen wouldn't let anyone give him/her the antidote. Lavi called it cruel and unusual punishment. Allen called it revenge.

44. Do** not **talk about Mary-sues

a) Yes, not is in bold. For good reasons.

b) We are all still traumatized

c) Allen starts crying

d) Remember, Road doesn't like it when Allen cries

It had happened on a recent mission. Allen had been saved by a tall, beautiful girl with straight black-hair and big-uh- assets, named Crystal-Jade-Taylor-Belladonna-Felicia Ashley-Jasper-Daisy-Rose-Sapphire Silver-Johanna-Gaea-Hanna-Lural-Anderson. Lenalee had her own tall dark and handsome stalker; who was _not _Tyki. Lavi fell in love with his own blonde-haired beauty, who also had a ridiculously long name. Tyki hid in a wall. Road quickly grew bored of these shallow people and killed them. She was loved by all, excluding the now male Lavi. Allen hadn't quite forgiven him, but decided disturbing girl-Lavi was more disturbing than "normal" Lavi .

45. Do not piss off the women you work with

a) Stealing their chocolate is a sure-fire way of accomplishing this.

b) You have to deal with them; usually on a daily basis.

c) Some of these women have older brothers.

d) Or potential boyfriends

Allen craved chocolate. He convinced Tyki to steal Lenalee's for him. Lenalee was quite possessive of her chocolate. Tyki got away unharmed because of his special abilities. Allen...wasn't so lucky. Komui got involved. Then Tyki wasn't lucky either.

46. Whilst one is on a mission, one should not run through town wearing only one's underwear

a) It doesn't matter if Lavi stole your clothes.

b) Use a blanket

c) Spare the children!

Lavi, Allen, and Tyki went on a mission. Lavi stole Allen's clothes. Tyki ran through town with them, dragging Lavi with him as Allen chased them wearing nothing but his underwear and a very angry snarl worthy of Lulubell. They weren't welcome back to that town again.

47. Prank wars are not permitted whilst on Black Order grounds

a) Preferably not on missions either, but there is only so much we can control.

b) Tyki rocks at prank wars, due to his special "talent".

Allen was still mad at Lavi and Tyki for the Underwear Incident, Lenalee was mad at Tyki and Allen for the Chocolate Issue, Lavi was still sore for the whole girl/boy incident. Prank wars began, Tyki winning round one. The race was on.

48. Commence Plan Catch Kitchen Alpha Noose Dark Alpha

a) Yes, it is what you think it is

b) We really hope it works

The Invisible Samurai had become too dangerous. What with Yullen, Yuu-chan, and Lavi in general, the Black Order was taking too many loses. Thus began the Catch KANDA Plan. And as usual, it was Lavi's idea.

* * *

"Sh!"

"I'm being quieter than you, stupid rabbit."

"Sh!"

"Shut up, Tyki!"

Road giggled, resulting in everyone glaring at her. "Sorry. It's just...funny." Allen rolled his eyes and continued creeping forwards, Lavi right behind him, with Road and Tyki bringing up the rear. Each was armed with a length of rope , six tranquilizers, four locks, and a bowl of Soba. Road had a video-camera. Their plan was simple.

Step one: Find Kanda

Step two: Antagonize him into chasing them

Step three: Lead him to the labs, where Komui and the rest of the science department were waiting with a visibility potion. Komui had yet to give it an "awesome" name so it was just the visibility potion.

Step four: Don't die

Allen had his doubts about the possible success of this plan, but couldn't come up with a better one. Which was why the four of them were sneaking around the 4th floor. Allen stopped suddenly, causing Lavi to run into him, and Tyki to run into Lavi.

"What was that for? Why did you stop? And you, get off of me!" Lavi whispered angrily, first to Allen, then to Tyki.

Allen held a finger to his lips. "I thought I heard something. Nearby." he breathed. A dark chuckle from their left made Lavi gasp and Allen turn even whiter. Tyki prepared to phase through the nearby wall, and Road readied her camera.

"What might you four be doing down here? Looking for someone?"

Lavi gulped and then pushed Allen out ahead of him. "Go get 'em, Tiger!"

Allen looked at him, shocked. "I thought we were gonna stick together, you know, back each other up! You can't just leave me to take care of him by myself!"

Lavi grinned at him. "Don't worry, I'll back you up. Just, you know, from a little farther back. If he gets past you, I'll-"

Tyki cut him off. "You'll what? Run and scream like a little girl?"

Lavi glared at him. "You're one to talk. You're already halfway into the wall already!" It was true. Tyki had phased halfway into the wall, for safety's sake.

Kanda chuckled again. "I'm growing tired of this. What are you gonna do, moyashi? How are you planning to take care of me?" he paused and then continued, "You know, I rather like being invisible. It allows me to do things like... this."

Lavi suddenly found himself held up against a wall, legs no longer touching the ground. "Uh, Allen, little help!" he shouted, knowing that struggling was useless but doing it anyway.

Allen smirked at him. "Don't worry, Lavi! I've got his back! I'd have yours, but it's up against the wall right now."

Lavi glared at him. "You, my good chap, are a bastard."

Tyki sighed. "Guess I'll have to get involved."

* * *

Heh. I like having an invisible Kanda. But he's been stuck this way for a while now, so have no fear, your favorite samurai will be visible soon enough. As long as he doesn't kill Lavi first.

As always, rule suggestions are welcome. More than welcome, I love them! I'll do my best to get the next chapter out by Wednesday. If I haven't by then, you should probably let Hotpocket know that I'm procrastinating again...


	5. Save the Rabbit

Haha! I did it! I was testing myself to see if I could actually meet a deadline I set for myself. And, success! Any hey, anyone wanna name this chapter? Or any of the others?

I love reviews. And by extension, everyone who reviews. Or PM's me. I like talking to people. And I got a lot of help for this chapter. So big big BIG round of applause and a virtual box of cookies for the following people;

AutumnMobile12 for Lavi's intervention and reminding me about Bookman, Lady of the Shards for rules 60, 64, and 70, WouldBeExorcist for rules 55, 57, 59, 61, 63, 67, and 72, Yami-Chan-123 for rules 51, 68, 69, and 71, and my little brother for rule 56.

Now. I read something that said most people don't look at the author's notes. I'm going to do an experiment (me Komui!). This has to do with the little story posted before rule 72. In a review or PM, tell me what you have under your pillow. If you're ok with it, I'll post the results in the next chapter. In a creative way. It'll be fun! Experiment, experiment! Ok, I'll shut up now.

Ready, set, READ!

* * *

_Tyki sighed. "Guess I'll have to get involved." _

Road giggled maniacally. Secretly, she wished that Kanda could stay invisible. He was a useful distraction for some of her more questionable actions. However, both Allen and Tyki were going into a potential dangerous situation, so she had decided to tag along to make sure nothing went too wrong. However, it seemed that her services wouldn't be required. Tyki was going for it.

Lavi squirmed against the wall, grateful Kanda wasn't holding him by the neck. Then he would most certainly be dead before the stupid white-haired boy got involved. _You know, maybe if you hadn't been so willing to sacrifice him to Kanda he'd be more inclined to help you. _Lavi sighed. _Shut up voice! I don't need your input. Great, I'm talking to myself again._

"Oy! Stupid rabbit, don't breath in my face! Your breath is awful." Kanda squashed him harder against the wall.

Lavi closed his eye. He hoped Tyki would hurry up with his involvement. At that moment, the wall against his back ceased to be solid and Lavi fell through it. His eye shot open. Not that it made much of a difference. Everything was dark. So Lavi did as sane person would. He opened his mouth and began to yell, thrashing his body about in hopes of finding something solid.

"Hey! Stop moving!"

Lavi felt the breath on his ear. "Tyki?"

A sigh, and then, "Yes. I've got you. Relax."

Allen stared at the wall. Lavi had been there not a moment ago. So where- "Ah. Tyki." he whispered. Road nodded at him. "Yup! Tyki's got the rabbit. So, no worries."

Allen didn't want to correct her, but no one else was around to. "Road, we are where no one can help us, at the potential mercy of an invisible Kanda. No worries just doesn't work in this situation."

"Potential mercy, eh?"

Allen wanted to smack his head against the wall, but felt staying conscious would greatly increase his chances of survival.

Suddenly the floor next to Allen wavered slightly. Tyki and Lavi rose from the floor, Tyki seeming calm as usual, Lavi hyperventilating in his arms.

"Rabbit! You and the Noah look good together."

"Shut up Yuu-chan! I think you and the moyashi would make a cuter pair!"

Awkward silence. And then,

"Lavi, I think you made him angry." Allen was torn. On one hand, he really wanted to kill Lavi. Kanda and him? As a couple? Well- _Shut up, brain, shut up! _Allen didn't like the direction his thoughts were going. To continue, on the other hand, Kanda would probably get to Lavi first. And then take care of whoever else was nearby. So that left only one intelligent choice. "RUN!" Allen screamed.

Road ran ahead, laughing, while Tyki fell in-step beside Allen, still carrying Lavi.

"What the HELL, Lavi?!" Allen shouted at him.

"Hey, the whole plan relied on Kanda blindly chasing us! And I'm pretty sure it worked. I'll give you a kiss later if your feelings are still hurt."

"What make you think I want-"

"Allen, stop antagonizing Lavi, it's hard to carry him while he's moving. Lavi, stop baiting Allen."

Allen glared at him from the corner of his eye. "You could probably put him down now, you know."

Tyki smiled at him. "I know. I just like carrying the rabbit."

"You perv!" Lavi shrieked. "Put me down! Put me down right now!"

Tyki just tightened his grip.

_Oh yeah, this is going great _Allen thought to himself.

Komui watched the little figures run by the golem. _Well, I think you've antagonized Kanda. I just hope you get him here before he kills you. _Out loud, "Ok, they're on their way. Everything ready?"

Reever gave their surroundings a cursory glance. "Yup, I think that's everything."

They were holed up in the mess hall, finders armed with barrier devices spread around the room, the potion in its case, ready to go. This would work. This had to work, because otherwise they were all going to die. Happy thoughts, everyone!

It would have worked, had the front doors not slammed open, startling everyone, including Komui, who had been removing the visibility potion from its case. The bottle slipped through his fingers and fell on the floor with a crash. Komui stared at the pile of glass for a moment. "Ah! So there's where the test rat went!" Said now visible rat went scurrying away into the shadows of the hall. Then Komui glanced at the doors. "Bookman! You're back early. Did something happen?"

Bookman ignored him, focusing on the projection behind Komui. Said projection was showing Allen, Road, and Tyki running from something, while Lavi was held in Tyki's arms. "Why is the Noah carrying my apprentice?" Bookman asked of Komui.

Komui coughed. "Well, uh, you see-"

"Kanda's invisible. They were sent to lead him here, so we could make him visible. But you startled my idiot brother and now the visibility potion is broken. We found the rat though." Lenalee quickly brought Bookman up-to-date.

"Rat?"

"Don't ask"

Bookman only quirked his eyebrow a little higher. "So, they are supposed to lead Kanda here?"

Lenalee nodded.

"But why is Lavi being carried by a Noah?"

"He, well, uh-" Komui attempted to explain again, but was interrupted by Lenalee.

"Tyki's a pervert. Lavi's words. He doesn't want to put Lavi down."

What was sure to be an even more interesting conversation was interrupted by a panicked shout from Johnny.

"They're here!"

And indeed, Allen, Road, and Tyki came bursting into the mess hall, panting hard. Tyki finally released Lavi, who backed away from the Noah. Catching sight of Bookman, Lavi raced over to the old man.

"Panda! You're back! Save me from the pervy Noah!"

The 'Panda' slapped him upside the head, sending Lavi to his knees.

"Yep, seems like you missed me." Lavi quipped from the floor.

"Oh no!" Allen shouted. "Komui, you didn't!"

Komui had the decency to look slightly guilty. "Oops!"

"What?" Lavi asked.

"He spilled the potion." Allen said dully, resigning himself to a death at the hands of a pissed off Kanda.

"Oh." There wasn't much to say. They were done for, it was over. They were all going to die, and nothing could change that.

Komui took this as a challenge. He procured another bottle from his pocket. "It's going to be fine." he said soothingly, "I have a backup!"

Reever eyed the bottle in his supervisor's hand warily. "Komui, what, exactly, does that one do?"

Komui smiled broadly. "I have absolutely no idea! But anything is better than being killed by Kanda, don't you agree?"

"No, not really." Tyki said, adopting a look similar to Reever's.

Komui shrugged, as if saying, "I don't care." which was exactly what he was thinking. Reever, Johnny, Rob, Allen, Lavi, Tyki, and Lenalee all exchanged a look. It was clear what they would have to do. As one, they launched themselves at Komui.

The mess hall doors were wrenched open, revealing an empty hallway. Mugen hovered, invisible wielder pausing to determine where his targets were, then shot forward. The group pounced on Komui, who, noticing the approaching sword, threw the bottle containing the mystery potion towards it. Hands reached to grab it, missing by inches. Eyes followed the arc of the bottle, watching as it shattered against the stone floor. It had missed.

And then, the space behind the spilled potion distorted and split. A human form began to take shape, wavering slightly. And then it collapsed. Absolute silence fell over the hall. And then,

"Oh my god! You killed Kanda!"

The dog-pile shifted, revealing an excited Komui. He slithered the rest of the way out from under the crush of bodies and stood up, dusting himself off. "No, he's not dead. And I think I figured out what that experiment was! He's not going to be too happy when he wakes up, but he's less of a threat this way."

Allen separated himself from the pile on the floor. Fixing Komui with a glare, he spoke, very slowly. "What, pray tell, did you do?"

Komui snickered. "Reever, remember that experiment we did back in January?"

Reever's face went white. "Oh, please tell me you didn't. Please, please be kidding."

Komui just nodded. "Yup! We turned Kanda into an eight year old!"

Silence.

"WE?!"

* * *

49. Attempting to cancel out the effects of the invisibility potion with a de-aging potion is prohibited

a) Even if it's on accident

b) Please search Komui's lab and quarters for any other potions and deliver them to Reever.

c) And for the love of all things holy, keep the chief from getting bored!

Kanda was no longer invisible. But now he was an eight year old. A very irritated eight year old with a very sharp sword. Who had really enjoyed being invisible.

50. Do not call Bookman old or panda

a) He will show you his 'old panda' moves

b) Only Lavi does this and he _still_ doesn't get away with it

Lavi had been trying to get people to call Bookman Old Panda. Luckily, no one was as stupid as Lavi. The head nurse was thankful for that. Especially when Bookman found out.

51. Do not break a piano around Allen

a) He is The Musician

b) He becomes really depresses and even Lenalee can't cheer him up

c) Neah becomes very angry; first about the piano, then about his dear depressed nephew

Allen was on a mission when a group of boys broke an old lady's treasured piano. Allen took offense to that and went as far as to try and get a very confused Akuma to kill the boys. Luckily, Lenalee was there. And then Neah decided to show up. Komui sent Tyki and some money to buy a new piano. This pacified the Noah-exorcist, but only just.

52. If you value your life, do not try to keep Kanda from going on missions

a) He may look eight, but he still kicks ass

b) He doesn't appreciate being coddled, and may end your life

c) Scratch that, he will definitely end your life

Lavi had become quite protective of little Kanda. He worried about his sweet little Yuu-chan getting hurt on missions. He also made the unfortunate mistake of voicing these worries within earshot of the homicidal eight year old.

53. Stop making Allen clones

a) They only last twenty-four hours before going haywire

b) And we'll go bankrupt feeding them all

Komui was bored. He had tried to find Kanda, but he was pulling a post-disappearing act. So he found Allen instead. He only agreed to stop when Lenalee threatened to run away with a mysterious man. Lenalee wasn't serious, but Komui didn't know that.

54. Do not refer to Kanda as sweet or little

a) Remember what happened to Lavi

b) You do not want that happening to you

c) Neither does the head nurse

When Lavi told Kanda the reasons for why he didn't want the eight year old going on missions, Kanda showed his appreciation for Lavi's concern by throwing him out the nearest window. Everyone who heard about that event made a mental not to refer to Kanda by those terms.

55. Do not ask Road to go clothes shopping with you

a) The places she takes you to will give you nightmares for weeks afterward

b) Also, don't refuse any of her clothing selections

c) Her feelings will get 'hurt'

Allen and Lavi were in desperate need of clothes. Lenalee was still kinda miffed over the Chocolate Incident. So she asked Road to come along. The boys soon discovered that Road's clothing ideas involved a lot of frills and lace. All the counseling Lavi had gone through went out the window. Road was 'hurt' that he didn't appreciate her opinions, and chaos ensued.

56. When you are dead, please have the decency to stay that way

a) Or leave a note telling us you're planning on coming back

b) We don't want to have to pretend like we care

Rouvelier had been attacked by Akuma. Allen and Lavi had seen the tragedy and quickly informed HQ. There was much rejoicing and feast- er, solemn sadness and tears wept. And then Rouvelier walked through the front doors looking none the worse for wear. Everyone breathed a sigh of disap- relief, and continued about their day.

57. Do not, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, ask Rouvelier if he likes Link

a) This will get you in a very bad situation

b) And any innocent bystanders will blame you

c) Even the not-so-innocent ones

Timothy really liked Allen. He was a pretty good friend to have, for a Noah. He really didn't like how the inspector was treating his Allen, so it came as no surprise when the young boy finally snapped. Afterward, however, it was revealed to be partially Lavi's fault. No one cared. They thought the sight of Rouvelier chasing Timothy all over HQ to be entertaining. However, when Link started crying in the corner, some felt kind of bad.

58. Do not play Capture the Innocence while on a mission

a) Whoever you stole it from will undoubtedly get revenge

b) You will get weird looks

Allen and Road were facing off against Tyki and Lavi. Tyki stole Allen's sword. Allen ran through town screaming, "That bastard! He stole my innocence!". Lavi, Tyki, Road, and Toma found it hilarious. The townspeople were quite disturbed. The members of this group were getting to be quite good at disturbing people.

59. Do not ask Kanda to play Old Maid

a) That game disagrees with him.

b) You will face the wrath of Mugen

Allen and Tyki were bored. Lavi hid. So they found Kanda. His response? "I HATE THESE STUPID WESTERN CARD GAMES!"

60. Do not let Road or Tyki into Komui's office or lab

a) They steal his experiments

b) And use them on random people

c) Allen is their favorite

Tyki had a childlike personality. Road _was _a child. Sort of. Komui's lab was like a playground, his office a treasure chest. So many papers, bottles, and strange items to play with. But, as they didn't want to cause lasting damage to themselves, they began booby-trapping hallways and adding things to Allen's coffee. Luckily, the effects would wear off in a few days.

61. Do NOT ask Madarao if you can go out with Tewaku

a) This will get you swallowed

b) She won't take it very well either

Lavi heard that Madarao and Komui often had Keeping Baby Sisters Safe from Octopi conferences together. He decided he would probably have better luck with Lulubell.

62. Someone! Buy Kanda clothes!

a) Panda-er, Bookman's clothes fit, but he's tired of them coming back in tatters.

b) Lenalee can't sew. As proved by the Thread Incident of Lab 5

c) Miranda is still on a mission with Marie and can't be reached

Kanda still looked eight. Panda's clothes were the only ones he would/could wear. But he always came back from a mission with them shredded.

63. Do not redecorate Kanda's room in girly colors and swap his clothes with Lenalee/Road's while he is out on a mission

a) Lenalee and Road with kill you

b) Kanda will kill you

c) Either way your dead. At least with Kanda it might be quick.

Ah, revenge was sweet. For Kanda, Lenalee, and Road. Lavi, Krory, and some irritated finders had decided to play a little joke on the mini-samurai. Allen made sure to ask Komui for an assignment before any of the three returned. Lenalee and Road had a fun play-date with Lavi and Co., then turned them over to Kanda.

64. Do not leave Road and Lenalee alone in the same room

a) They are scarier together then when Road is with Lavi

b) Someone's getting a make-over!

Road decided to adopt Lenalee as an older-but-still-younger sister. The two of them spent some time together, plotting and planning. Lavi was a bit afraid of the two. He also missed having Road to give him ideas. And then he found a whole new reason to be afraid. The two of them ambushed him in the bathroom and gave him a make-over. Allen had payed them in sweets. They had been more than happy to comply.

65. Road does not dress Kanda

a) Ever

b) 'Tis traumatic

No one knew how Road had managed to put Kanda in the dress. They all assumed Tyki had something to do with it. Kanda, like Lavi before him, was now traumatized by anything lacy or frilly.

66. Lenalee is the only one allowed to babysit-er, monitor Kanda

a) Lavi isn't allowed to touch him

b) Tyki isn't allowed to use him as Akuma bait

Kanda was in no way helpless. But when on a mission with Lavi and Tyki, disarmed, drugged, and tied up, he was pretty... helpless. Lenalee had word with Lavi and Tyki once they got back. Words that roughly translated to a swift kick in the head and orders to organize Komui's office.

67. Do not ask Link if he is in love with Rouvelier

a) He really doesn't appreciate this

b) Remember, he reports to Rouvelier, who reports to Central

Lavi and Allen wouldn't stop singing 'Link and Rouvelier sitting in a tree' for a week. Link had to ask for time off. Allen threw a party, until Link's replacement showed up. That was an unpleasant ten days for both sides.

68. Never tell Allen that you think clowns are creepy

a) He really doesn't like this

b) He will show you just how CREEPY a clown can be

Poor Lavi. Would he never learn? Never insult a clown in front of a clown.

69. Do not let Allen or Road redecorate your room

a) It might just be one of the scariest things you will ever see

b) Allen has seen Hell, and it isn't pretty

c) He is also pretty skilled with a paintbrush, and makes each painting exact

d) Road took lessons from Allen. Even Tyki is afraid of her

Komui decided HQ needed a little brightening up. But Tiedoll off on a mission and Kanda's skills in question, Komui decided the next best thing would be for Allen and Road to team up and paint. After several finders and Miranda were admitted to the infirmary for psychological damage, Komui sent a team to their rooms. What they saw there would be forever in their nightmares. Allen and Road clearly had some screws loose.

70. Do not let Road or Tyki get Allen drunk

a) That was scary

b) It may be memorable, but it might not be in your favor

Parties with alcohol and Allen just didn't mix. Especially when no one is really chaperoning, and Lavi is there, 'keeping an eye on the young ones'. Tyki convinced Lavi to let Allen have a drink. Road brought him some more. Pretty soon, Allen was drunk. And then the party games began. Allen cheats even more when he's drunk, and still no one could prove it.

71. If he is drunk and depressed, do not ask Allen to play something on the piano for you

a) It ends up either as something really scary, or something really sad

b) It will most likely ruin the partying mood

Lavi noticed that Allen seemed really depressed during the Christmas party. Knowing that it usually cheered the white-haired boy up, he asked Allen to play a song on the piano. He had no idea Allen was mourning Mana's death. And so it came as a shock to everyone when Allen began to play an extremely sad song. Though it was also beautiful, it made everyone cry, even the Noah. Allen spent Christmas with the Fourteenth that year.

* * *

Road pulled a piece of paper from under Lavi's pillow. She read it quickly, then turned to poke the sleeping red-head.

"Lavi! Wake up! You messed up!"

"Wha- Road, what is it?" Lavi sat up and rubbed his eyes, then took the proffered paper. He read it, shook his head, and read it again. "Crap."

"That's what I said!" Road slapped the desk. "Just not as succinctly."

Lavi sighed, then picked up his pencil. "It's okay, I'll take care of it."

_Why do I always loose stuff? What was it doing under my pillow? What else is under there?_

Road's thoughts were pretty similar. _How does he lose a rule? And what was it doing under his pillow? I wonder if he has any candy..._

* * *

72. Do not get Kanda to hum the Jaws theme around Rouvelier while invisible

a) We hope he is never again invisible

b) Not even the inspector deserves that

Lavi had grown tired of the inspector always butting into Black Order affairs, and ruining Allen's life. So he bribed the invisible samurai to follow Rouvelier around during one of his visits and hum in his ear. Road found it hilarious to watch Rolly running in 'manly' panic and waving his arms, trying to fend off the 'ghost'.

* * *

Lavi was sitting in the mess hall, eating his lunch, when he became aware of the people surrounding him. He quickly swallowed the food in his mouth as Allen placed his tray down on the table, then sat next to him. The rest followed suit. Besides Allen, there was Tyki, Road, Miranda, Marie, Krory, and Lenalee forcing a disgruntled Kanda to take a seat beside her.

"Uh, what's up, guys?" Lavi asked cautiously.

They were all wearing identical expressions of concern. With the exception of Kanda, who looked as if he had just been ordered to run through headquarters wearing just his underwear and Komui's slippers.

"Lavi," Lenalee said slowly, "you know that we're your friends, and that we care about you, right?"

"Aw, Yuu! You really do care about me, don't you?" Lavi grinned at the eight year old.

"Don't call me that! I don't even want to be here. They dragged me along." Kanda declared, pointing at Road and Lenalee.

The grin faded from Lavi's face as Lenalee continued.

"See, Lavi, we're worried about you."

Lavi looked at her. "That's nice Lenalee. But you shouldn't wor-"

Allen interrupted him. "Lavi, you need to think about what you're doing. You're going to get hurt someday if you're not careful."

"What is this, an intervention?" Lavi asked, tone harsh.

"Lavi, we need to do this." Miranda spoke softly. Behind her, Marie and Krory nodded.

"You keep doing all these stupid things and getting hurt. Why are you such an idiot?" Lenalee asked, desperation creeping into her voice.

"I'm not an idiot! I just get bored easily!" Lavi defended.

"But you always do the same thing! You go and bother someone until they either yell at you or attack you!" Lenalee cried.

Kanda che'd.

"You know, doing the same thing over and over again is considered insanity." Allen spoke, gazing at him with worried eyes.

"Really? I call it devotion." Lavi countered. He was getting tired of this. They were supposed to be his friends, but they were treating him as if he were some sort of moron. What he did and why he did it was none of their concern. He looked around the hall, desperate for something, anything, to get him out of this situation. A thought came to him, but he dismissed it at once. _That wouldn't work, it couldn't. But, just maybe... it wouldn't hurt to try._ Putting a shocked expression on his face, Lavi thrust his arm out, pointing to the opposite wall. _Here goes._

"Oh look! Kanda can fly!"

Their heads whipped around to look where he was pointing. Of course, there was no flying Kanda, not even eight year old Kanda. Because Kanda was sitting right beside them, searching for himself. And once they looked back, Lavi was gone. Even his tray had been removed.

* * *

So. Another long chapter. At least for me! I usually write a thousand words before I get distracted by...something, anything else. So yay for me! Heh. Hope you enjoyed it!


	6. Kanda Loses a Screw

Hey, peeps! Long time no... well, yeah. So, someone in my wonderful county has been going around cutting the ever-so-important fiber-optics cables I use for internet! It's not fair! I'm supposed to be the destructive one...

On other matters, Hotpocket Hunter and I made an account together! It's called** Unholy Alliance **(bet you can't guess why :D) And we are writing a **companion piece to the Rulebook** there! We already have 3 chapters out!

Also, this was an impromptu chapter I made in 2 hours. I like it. And I actually wrote chapter 6, that included all of you suggestions and rules, but it's not ready _just_ yet. So there are some suggestions in here, but if you don't see your rule, **DON'T FREAK!** It's in the other chapter. Which is like twice as long as this one.

Thanks for the reviews, guys! I love having the rule suggestions, as I am beginning to run out of rule ideas. I still have some in reserve, but I just haven't written any new rules recently.

BIG thanks to WouldBeExorcist, who has listen to me freak, bitchslapped me when I needed it, and introduced me to her fic, Change of Pace! You should read it, it's fantastic! Now, thanks also goes to Ta1ia , for the beginning story idea (which was pretty fun to write, and I will hopefully expand it!) and its corresponding rule 73, Fountainofroses for rule 76, and everyone else for their suggestions and support!

* * *

Jasdero felt something hit his head. He looked at his brother with a hurt expression. "Did you throw that, hai?"

Devitto looked at up just in time to get hit by a crumpled piece of paper. "Oi! Don't throw!"

Jasdero laughed. "Wasn't me, hai."

Devitto frowned. "Then who?" He looked down at the paper. "Hey, Jasdero, it has something written on it!"

"Five?" Jasdero asked hopefully. His brother shot him a scornful look. Jasdero ignored it. "So? What does it say, hai?" Devitto looked at him in confusion. He wordlessly handed the paper to his brother. Jasdero read the page, then looked to Devitto. "Why does Road-chan want us to say this?"

Devitto honestly had no idea. But he couldn't tell Jasdero that. He was the all-knowing impudent one, after all. He decided to just nod his head. Jasdero copied him. Then, without any preordained signal, both yelled, "YULLEN!"

A small shape fell from the sky. "DIE YOU YAOI FANGIRLS!" It screamed. Jasdevi decided it was time to run.

XxXxXxX

The Earl took his morning newspaper from the Akuma-maid. He unrolled it and settled in the eat his breakfast. A note fell out from between pages fourteen and fifteen, landing on his eggs. The Earl frowned and removed the piece of paper from his food. The paper had a Black Order watermark in the lower corner and the script was fine and even. The Earl's brow furrowed. Who had sent the message? He opened his mouth and said, "What's Yulle-"

The door flew open with a bang. The twins stumbled in, bleeding from small numerous gashes all over their bodies, and Jasdero was missing a chunk of hair. "Earl!" Devitto shouted, "Whatever you do, don't say Yullen!" Jasdero punched him. Devitto's eyes grew wide. "Oh, shit." he breathed, right as a small cannonball of fury flew through the still open door.

XxXxXxX

Reever looked about the lab nervously. If he could just play it cool and keep the Inspector busy until Komui decided to crawl out from under whatever pile of paperwork he had hidden himself this time, they would all be in the clear. Reever had taken extra care to remove as many of the exorcists from the Order premises as possible, and the Noah had followed Allen, as usual, so everything seemed good. Reever knew from experience that it was at the point when everything appeared good that you really had to start worrying. He mentally facepalmed himself for tempting Fate that much when an alarm somewhere started ringing and the Lab was bathed in red light. Scientists ran about, getting in each other's way and generally causing more chaos. Reever hurried over to Johnny, the only scientist standing still in the craziness and fiddling with a machine.

"What's going on, Johnny?" Reever asked the younger man. Johnny looked frantic, fingers twisting nobs on the control panel open before him.

"I have no idea! I was running some tests when suddenly-" he waved his arms at at the chaos "this started!"

Reever glanced behind him. Sure enough, the Inspector and his lapdog had followed. He swallowed a curse, determined to remain as professional as possible. "Here, let me take a look." Johnny obediently moved out of the way. Reever twisted some nobs, growing increasingly more concerned when nothing happened. He glanced at Johnny, and behind him, Link and Rouvelier. "Johnny, I need you to go around the back of this and check the other panel."

Johnny nodded, and moved forwards. Then he stopped and turned back to the Inspector. "Hey, could you hold onto this for me?" he asked timidly, holding something out. Reever narrowed his eyes at his subordinates back. Johnny wasn't timid. He was shy. For him, there was a difference. Johnny was planning something, Reever just wasn't sure what.

Rouvelier looked at the young scientist in distaste. Then he took the thing from Johnny. Johnny smiled in gratitude and moved around to the back of the machine. Reever returned his attention to the panel in front of him.

Rouvelier looked at the thing in his hand. It was a piece of paper. Link eyed it curiously. "What is that, sir?"

Rouvelier unfolded the paper and scanned it quickly. Then he turned to Link and asked, "What's Yullen?"

There was silence. Even the alarm had stopped. Then the scientists nearest the door vanished. Others started heading that direction too. Reever straightened up slowly and glanced at Johnny. The man was grinning in a terrifying fashion. Reever decided it was time for professionalism to go out the window. "Shit." Rouvelier looked up in shock. "Everybody run!" Reever cried, racing for the door, Johnny close behind him. _Johnny,_ he thought, _if I survive this, I am so going to kill you._

Still inside the lab, Rouvelier stood alone. He didn't notice this, as he was busy scrutinizing the paper in his hand. So busy that he didn't notice the demented eight year old with a sword creeping closer and closer.

Sheltered in an alcove with the others, Link felt a twinge of guilt for what was about to befall his superior. But he decided that he would play the Utilitarianism card in this case. He would protect these fifteen scientists at the cost of one Inspector. Seemed like a fair trade.

* * *

73. Giving the Inspector a note asking him 'what is Yullen?' is a cruel trap

a) That doesn't mean we want you to stop

b) Thank you, Kanda

c) Thanks for getting the Earl

Road was the one to thank for the movie night the Order had. She had followed Kanda around for three weeks with her video camera, waiting for some poor fool to say Yullen. Lavi had helped set the traps and Tyki had been useful for saving their collective butts from the miniature samurai. And (almost) everyone agreed that Link had acted quite heroic. Or at least he had made an understandable decision. Nobody liked Rouvelier. But for whatever reason, Road found him absolutely fascinating. Allen hoped Road would permanently damage the Inspector.

74. Do not hole up in the kitchen and hold Jerry and all the food hostage

a) We are not amused

b) Allen is hungry

c) Neah is pissed

Some finders decided to take revenge on Kanda. No Soba until he apologized for all the mean things he said. Some believed the finders were extraordinarily childish. Allen agreed. He was very upset that there was no food and went to the corner of his mind to cry in a corner. Neah decided to show his displeasure by taking over Allen's body and breaking into the kitchen and forcibly ending the hostage takers' reign of terror. Allen was presented with a feast by a very grateful Jerry.

75. Do not attempt to escape from the infirmary

a) Tying bedsheets together and jumping out the window will likely land you back in the infirmary in even worse condition

b) The head-nurse will drag you back to your bed by your ear

c) Road will try to cheer you up

Lavi and Kanda teamed up. Or maybe Kanda just wanted to throw Lavi out the window. They were both severely scolded by the head-nurse and forcibly put to bed. Then Road decided to visit and felt a tea-party was in order. Lavi made another break for the window. Head-nurse was not pleased.

76. Nobody is allowed to hug Allen

a) Road freaks out and will try to kill you

b) Road having a temper tantrum is scary

c) The 14th WILL kill you

Jasdevi caught up to Allen on a mission. They had apparently decided that the only way they would get Cross back for sticking them with his debts would be for them to sell Cross's apprentice into slavery. They tried to sneak away with Allen on a crowded street, one twin on either side, shielding him from passersby. But Road noticed. And decided that they were getting too intimate with her Allen. She threw a hissy fit and tried to kill them. But Neah beat her to it. He didn't like anyone (Road included) touching his precious nephew, and decided to pay Jasdevi back for all the things they had ever done. Violently.

77. Mocking the Akuma is unwise

a) It makes you seem crazy

b) Kill them and move on

Lavi and Road were unsupervised. They found a bunch of Akuma terrorizing a town and began to eliminate them. But when faced with a pack of Akuma about the size of a chihuahua, with pig noses, and webbed feet, the jokes began flying. After the laughter of course. And the slow-motion running as chihuahua sized Akuma with stumpy legs ran after them. Lavi was tempted to keep one of them as a pet.

78. Lavi has now joined the ranks of Allen's stalkers

a) Along with Road and Tyki

b) There is nowhere Allen can run

The three had become inseparable. In Allen's case, maybe not by choice. But he had learned early on that Lavi and Tyki would follow him to the other side of the world, if necessary. This was proved on his mission to Australia. Two weeks away from HQ **and **his crazy stalkers? Allen had been thrilled. Until he got there and found Lavi cooing over a koala while a nervous guide warned him about the claws. And Tyki eating ice cream. There was no escape.

79. You are not Tyki

a) You can not walk through walls

b) Unless you really are Tyki

c) Or a ghost

Lavi had been hanging around Tyki and Road too much. He was running from Bookman and tried to get away through a wall. A very solid wall. Allen was running from Kanda. But his wall-meet-face might have been an accident. Then there was the Pajama Day Incident. Oh, how they all laughed. Except for Allen. He did not laugh. In the back of his mind, Neah did.

80. Do not feed Allen chocolate covered coffee beans

a) He gets hyper

b) Very hyper

c) And extremely annoying

Eight hours later, Allen was still running in circles singing songs in random languages. And meowing. Tyki was put in the timeout corner while Komui contemplated the drawbacks to synthesizing a similar drug in place of the zombie failure.

81. Stop teaching Road annoying songs

a) The Song That Never Ends is annoying

b) And it doesn't endear her to us

c) There is a list of annoying/banned songs in Komui's office and the Labs

Road found nothing more amusing than a day of running about the Order, following people around, and singing songs loudly. On occasion, Tyki would join her. Kanda would get Mugen and try to kill them. He never actually succeed. But it was the thought that counted. However, everyone had to admit that the effects The Song That Never Ends had on Jasdevi were hilarious. Who knew they could run that fast?

82. Do not do Road's homework in exchange for a cookie

a) Allen

b) You either, Lavi

c) Road, stop tying people to chairs

Even Noahs needed an education. It was Road's homework after all, and most agreed that she should do it herself. Road firmly disagreed. Sometimes violently. Komui has considered calling up the Earl and asking him to take back his little demon-child. Reever had confiscated the phone. For some reason, he liked having Road around.

83. Playing games during an inspection is a poor choice

a) Rouvelier reports to the Vatican

b) They control our lives and funding

c) Link is terrified of Road

It was now becoming a common occurrence to open a cupboard or closet and find someone hiding there. Or to be tagged while going about your business. Kanda enjoyed these games because they gave him the opportunity to practice his stealth techniques. But Link, well, he traveled everywhere with a mirror, which he used to look around corners. Road had an entertaining habit of waiting for him in vacant hallways and around corners.

84. Insulting the butterflies is not cool

a) They are called Tease

b) And are carnivorous golems who eat humans

c) Do you wanna tempt Fate?

Everyone forgot the unspoken rule; Tyki controlled the Tease, but Road controlled Tyki. And Road liked butterflies. Also, tempting fate is a bad thing. Fate liked to fuck with people at just the wrong moments, often resulting in epic failures.

85. Tyki controls the Tease. But Road controls Tyki

a) Do not make Road mad

b) You may be eaten

c) Or left halfway through a wall

People had gotten by for an incredibly long time without incurring the wrath of Road. But recently, some finders had been making poor decisions regarding Road. Resulting in the next rule. So, because no one could seem to remember this unspoken/unwritten rule, it was written.

86. Remember, Road is older than you

a) She's older than Tyki too

b) And he's still older than you

c) Except for the old people, this doesn't concern you

The finders were having a hard time accepting orders from a 'little' girl, who also happened to be a Noah. Funnily enough, it was the Noah part people forgot about. Along with the 'she is a sadistic evil demon disguised as an adorable schoolgirl' part. Allen had to step in.

87. Do NOT stage a marriage between Lenalee and Bak

a) Not even as a joke

b) Komui doesn't get the joke

c) And innocents are in danger every time. Yes, innocents.

This went down as one of the best hoaxes in the history of the Black Order. People from three different branches cooperated to stage the marriage between the most terrifying sister-complex's little darling and the head of the Asia branch. The North America branch was in on it too, and Fou orchestrated the whole thing with Lavi and Lenalee. Bak took an extended vacation. Somewhere Komui couldn't find him.

* * *

Lavi gazed at the carnage surrounding him. White streamers, pale pink cake, red blood-spattered walls. And for some reason, feathers. Komui cackling madly, drills spinning, dodging projectiles thrown from the direction of the labs. People screaming, and in the midst of it all, stood Lavi, Allen, Tyki, Road, Lenalee, and Kanda. Lavi noticed movement out of the corner of his eyes. Allen was sneaking away with the cake. Score. Allen met Lavi's eye and mouthed, "My room, Bring the others." Lavi nodded and grinned. Allen continued his journey into the hall, dodging people before finally disappearing from sight.

Beside Lavi, stood Road and Tyki, both of whom were staring, mouths open in amazement.

"Not even Jasdevi could do something like this." Road breathed.

Beside her, Tyki nodded slowly. "Yeah. I'm really glad that Lenalee isn't my type. Poor sucker."

Road shot him a glance. "Yes, well, so long as Allen doesn't have an older sibling, you should be fine."

Tyki smiled. "Or Kanda," Kanda tightened his grip on Mugen. "or Lavi,"

Lavi rolled his eyes and grabbed Kanda's hand. "Come on, guys, we have a cake to eat!" Ignoring Kanda's mutterings of, "I don't like cake.", Tyki took Road's and Lavi's hands and the group walked through the dining hall wall.

* * *

hehe! Allen took the cake!


	7. Hyperness and Pillows

I'm worried for my sanity. I'm afraid it might be lonely, wherever it is... I have IB Mock Exams for the next week and I finally got my exchange things in, so busyness! I might not update for a while, again, so see ya all!

Ok, recently, I've been smashing the 4th wall to tiny little bits. Well, I hope to get any and all 4th wall involved rules out of yours and my systems, so any rules involving these will have to be in the next chapter, where the 4th wall will be repaired. Hopefully.

With other things,** rule ideas are welcome**! If you want to see a rule, just put it in a review or PM me. And I shall do my best. Speaking of which, I'm sorry I didn't get your rule right, Fountainofroses! I'll try writing a Lou Fa one in a latter chapter.

Thank you to everyone who has ever Reviewed, Favorited, Alerted, or even read this fic!

Now, much thanks to the following people: **Yami-Chan-123** for rules 93, 95, 97, 98, 99, **Fountainofroses** for rule 91, and finally, **WouldBeExorcist** for the beginning story **(she wrote it for you guys! Thank her! Grovel, you humble fools!) **and rules 100, and 101.

* * *

"Let me go, you stupid Noah girl!"  
"No way, Kan-chan!" Road replied sweetly.  
Kanda had been trying to meditate (not even becoming an 8-year-old would keep him from his daily routine) when Road had slipped a noose around his middle and started dragging him to her room.  
"Don't call me that!" he bellowed.  
She skipped merrily up the stairs, Kanda thudding into each one painfully after her. With a gleeful twirl she opened her door, shoved Kanda inside and locked the door.

Lavi was enjoying his steak. Link was enjoying his cake. Allen was enjoying his everything. For once, there were no Noah singing horrific songs, Kanda was not about to kill someone, Komui was actually working and not complaining or making some destructive experiment, and everyone was getting along. All was right with the world.  
"SWEET JESUS, RUN FOR YOU LIIIIVES!" screamed Road, charging into the dining hall and using a broom to barricade the door. "THE END IS NIGH! REPENT! REPENT!"  
Allen groaned. The quiet peace had been so nice.  
"Road, please, not now," Lavi moaned. "We're having a break from chaos."  
She grabbed the redhead by the shoulders and shook him, staring wildly into his eyes.  
"Lavi, just this once, listen to me and run. Everything that has ever hated you is coming here. Specifically, the one person who hates absolutely everything about you is on his way here. For God's sake, run."  
Screams started emanating from outside.  
"HEEEEERE'S... JOHNNY!" yelled someone, as Johnny's head was bashed through the wooden door. Johnny was limp and covered in bruises.  
"J-Johnny!" cried Allen. "Are you ok?!"  
"R-run...someone...gave him...sugar..." the scientist moaned, before losing consciousness.  
Someone started bashing on the other side of the door, presumably the same person who quoted a movie that wouldn't be made for about a century.  
"Road...What did you do..." Lavi said, backing away from the door.  
"Apparently, we shouldn't ever make Kanda eat candy," replied the Noah, smiling nervously.  
Suddenly the door shuddered as a final kick knocked it off of its hinges, and it slowly fell to the floor, revealing a trail of destruction ending in none other than an eight-year-old, angry, violent Kanda, hyped up on sugar.  
"RUN!" someone screamed. Everyone scrambled for the other door. Many people were lost within seconds.  
"WHY! WON'T! IT! OPEN!" screeched Lavi, tugging on the door.  
"Look down, rabbit."  
Lavi looked down. Kanda was leaning in front of the door, blocking it, and staring straight at him. Lavi slowly turned his head. Everyone except for him and Road had been obliterated, without them even realizing it.  
"Um...Mercy?" Lavi whimpered.  
"Heck no!" replied Kanda, grinning maniacally.  
And that's how the Order was destroyed, the Noah (minus their Ninth Apostle) took over the world, and everyone died. The end.

Except, that wasn't quite what happened. But it was quite close.

Lavi closed his eye, waiting for the inevitable. Beside him, Road prepared herself for the same. _Sure hope Hell is as nice as Tyki says._ Moments passed, then a minute. Nothing had changed. Road opened one eye slowly. She wouldn't put it past Kanda to wait until she and Lavi were lulled into a sense of security to end them. Seeing that nothing had happened and that Kanda had disappeared, Road opened her other eye. She poked Lavi, causing him to open his eye, and began scanning the room for the midget samurai. Lavi glared at her before doing the same. There was no Kanda in sight and the door to the dining hall was now open. Shrugging, Lavi led the way through it. They crept through the halls, carefully surveying each one before walking onward. Automatically, they had begun walking in the direction of the Labs, hoping that Komui would prove to be useful for once, at the very least as a human shield.

It was once they reached the outer corridors surrounding the pit leading to Hevlaska's chamber that Road began to get a strange feeling. She reached out and touched Lavi's arm, causing the poor guy to jump in fright and spin around, reaching for the harness that usually held his Innocence, the Innocence that was in Komui's lab where it was being repaired after Lavi's most recent mission. He shot her an angry look and hissed, "What?"

Road held a finger to her lips and whispered, "I'm getting a bad feeling about this." Lavi nodded in agreement, and they both looked around, once more neglecting to look down.

Kanda giggled. Somewhere, deep inside, he knew he was acting out of character, but couldn't bring himself to care. He reached into his shirt pocket and unwrapped several of the sweets left over from Road's "party". He'd had fun stalking the rabbit and the Noah, but was getting bored. Throwing the wrappers over his shoulder, he stepped out of the corridor and ran up to the only two people left in the upper levels.

Lavi noticed a fast-moving blur coming at him and braced himself for the impact, grabbing Road's hand in warning. She looked toward the shape, recognizing it as Kanda an instant before it collided with them, sending both her and Lavi backwards against the railings. Unfortunately, Lavi's height and weight worked against him, pulling the both of them over the railing and down into the pit. Glancing upwards, Road watched the already diminutive Kanda growing smaller and smaller and she fell down and down. _I will survive this._ She thought. _I will survive this, and I will kill that twerp. I'm the destructive one, and I'm the only one who can kill me._ She would think back on this later and decide that her wording made absolutely no sense, even to herself. But for now, she held onto this thought as she and Lavi plummeted deeper into the depths of the Black Order.

With an almighty _WHUMPH!_, Road and Lavi came to a sudden stop, bouncing off a surprisingly soft surface, and taking flight into the darkness once more. They landed again and bounced slightly, the material beneath them cradling to keep them from falling further.

"Oh my God, we made it to heaven!" Lavi yelled in exhilaration. "Take that, you old panda, my soul is pure!"

Road rolled her eyes and glanced around. Everything was white, and she could feel a warmth from the surface on which she lay. She looked upwards and found herself looking into the face of Hevlaska, the keeper of the Innocence. Road offered a small smile at the being above her and waved her hand weakly. "Hi, Hevlaska! I've heard a lot about you!"

Hevlaska looked at the Noah in shock and confusion, giving Lavi time to realize that he was not yet dead, and more importantly, not in heaven. Then Hevlaska lowered the two onto the ground. "KOMUI!" Hevlaska shouted in a loud voice, causing Road and Lavi to duck and cover their ears. Then a familiar scientist stepped out of the darkness surrounding them and walked over to stand beside Road and Lavi.

"Glad you two are alright." he said to them before addressing Hevlaska. "Yes, my dear?"

Lavi looked disturbed by Komui's greeting, and, judging by Hevlaska's expression, so was she.

"Komui. That one is a Noah."

Komui nodded, smiling. "Yes. And she is quite helpful when dealing with certain visitors."

Hevlaska stared at Road, a peculiar expression on her face. Road grinned up at her, happy to be on solid ground. Beside her, Lavi had slumped to the ground, muttering about pandas and heaven.

Komui looked around him. "Well, I think that's everyone." At Road's questioning look, he explained. "We were all thrown down here by Kanda. He seems to be in an odd mood today."

Road gave him her best innocent look. Lavi looked up at her in terror and resumed his muttering. "Now what?" Road asked Komui.

Komui smiled and pulled his drills out from behind him. "Now we catch Kanda!"

From the darkness, a number of voices chorused, "Not again!". There were also sounds of someone banging their head against a solid surface. Hevlaska's peculiar expression did not change as she surveyed the humans surrounding her. _They never learn._ She decided. _I need a vacation._

* * *

88. Do not make Kanda hyper

a) There is a reason he doesn't eat candy

b) Just stop doing stupid things to Kanda

c) You will regret them

Road kidnapped chibi Kanda and gave him candy. Chibi Kanda got hyper. Hyper chibi Kanda is fast, insane, violent, and strong. Not to mention short enough you that you won't notice him until it's too late. It took four hours and several sedatives to recapture him and put him in solitary, where the effects of the candy still hadn't worn off two days later.

89. Let's play a game. Two sets of words, two words each. Kanda clones, bad idea

a) Remember the above rule?

b) Multiple small hyper violent Kandas are very bad

c) They all have a love of sharp shiny objects

Komui was trying to turn Kanda back to how he was. Or so he claimed. Everyone believed he just wanted more test subjects, as the original Kanda had refused. Komui was ordered to get rid of the clones in a humane fashion.

90. Members of the Black Order should not write fan-fictions about other members

a) Frankly, it's disturbing

b) Allen doesn't like it

c) Tyki writes disturbing fan-fiction

d) As do Road and Lavi

For some reason, writing fan-fiction had become something of a hobby among the members of the Black Order. Johnny wrote rather humorous ones. Someone else, * coughTykicough *, wrote rather... questionable ones. Then the Unholy Alliance co-authored a story. Kanda was out for blood.

91. Road is not allowed to sing, FULL STOP

a) When she sings to Allen it's too hard to tell if he's quoting lyrics or asking for help

b) I-tunes doesn't exist yet, so where is this music coming from?

c) And if Yami-chan, WouldBeExorcist, or Accomplice attempt to answer this question, we will sic Kanda on you

Allen began reciting the lyrics to 'Turn Me On', or at least that was the excuse Lavi and Tyki used to explain why they didn't rescue him. Because Allen screaming 'save me, I'm too young to die' wasn't enough of a giveaway. But maybe Road's response of 'touch me, save my life' which had the two guys doubled over in laughter would save them. Seeing as they were already bent double, Lenalee's kick went right over their heads. The first time, that is...

92. If everything is going well on a mission, you're clearly missing something

a) Check behind you

b) Make sure your Black alter-ego isn't planning anything

c) Check your water-bottle for Lulubell

Allen had the worst luck in the world. His mission was going extremely well until some human-form Akuma started following him. Then they made the mistake of challenging him to a game of poker, bringing out Black Allen. Once he realized they were Akuma, he was forced to destroy them. They hadn't even had a chance to finish their game. And then Lulubell exploded from his water-bottle.

93. Never introduce Alice in Wonderland to Allen, Tyki, or Road

a) Allen wants to get back at the order for a lot of things and he enjoys the Cheshire Cat

b) He will start talking like the insane cat and begin popping up in random places too

c) It is very creepy

d) Road is like the Queen of Hearts, we want to keep are heads, nuff said

e) Tyki is in love with the Mad Hatter and the Red Rabbit but Neah might beat him there...

Lenalee gave Road a present. She reasoned that the Noah couldn't have had the most normal childhood, and decided that Alice in Wonderland was an experience no one should go without. Road shared the book with Tyki, who showed it to Allen. Allen decided he identified most with the Cheshire Cat, Road found the Queen of Hearts the most interesting, and Tyki didn't care who he was as long as he could get the Red Rabbit. No one could convince him it was the White Rabbit, as Road had since colored said rabbit the color of blood.

94. There is no reason to tape Lero's mouth shut

a) Lero will only get louder if you do

b) It's degrading

c) Has no one heard of manners?

Lavi took issue with the golem incessant chattering. Which even Kanda found hard to believe, considering how much the redhead talked himself. So Lavi taped Lero's mouth shut and threatened to dump him in a river. Luckily, Road was nearby and took pity on the poor umbrella. Lenalee yelled at Lavi for a full fifteen minutes afterward, and ended by telling him that he should take lessons on manners from Allen, who unlike Lavi, was a proper gentleman. Tyki snickered from the corner.

95. No matter how tempting it might be to see Chibi Allen, please do not bring this about through the use of Komui's potions

a) He is the cutest damn thing

b) BUT (if he also looses his memories) evil and rude

c) Lets say the order has no clue how in the hell he became the Allen they know and love

d) And the potions are now off-limits to everyone except Reever and Johnny

The Unholy Alliance plus Tyki decided that they wanted to see chibi Allen. Luckily, Lenalee stopped it in time. Everyone (minus Lavi, the Noah, and Komui) remembered what had happened the last time Allen was chibified. And sent on a mission. Where he was soundly beaten by an Akuma, saved by Kanda, and suffered a concussion which resulted in memory loss. Allen's buried 'Red' personality proved to be cruel, rude, and maybe even tied with Road for evilness. The Order was saved from the torment of 'Red' by Komui. The head-nurse was concerned that people were catching a cold, what with all the shivering going on.

96. Asking Kanda about the Lotus blossom in his room is a bad idea

a) You should also stay out of his room

b) And making fun of Kanda for liking flowers is suicidal, even if you are a Noah

Lavi told Road that Kanda had a special flower in his room. Road got Tyki to take her there. At lunch the next day, Road shouted a question to Kanda. Something along the lines of, "Hey Hana-chan, what's with the Lotus?" After much confusion, yelling, and swearing on 'Hana-chan's' (Kanda's) part, giggling on Road's, and shrieking on everyone else's, head nurse dragged everyone to the infirmary. It was decided that Kanda and Road would be separated for a while. A long while.

97. Allen and Road are never ever allowed to go to Russia again

a) Allen came back with a really weird laugh that sounded like "KOLKOLKLOKOLKOLKOL" and a deadly steel pipe of doom.

b) The only thing that scared him was Road

c) Road came back with knives and whenever she saw Allen, she would yell, "MARRY ME! MARRY ME!"

Allen and Road were invited by a stranger, named Yami-chan-123, to tour Russia. Whatever Yami-chan-123 did to them had a long lasting effect on their personalities. Road was even more obsessed with Allen (if it were possible) and concealed knives in specially designed pockets of her clothes. Allen made best friends with a steel pipe, which he attempted to use to bash in Lavi's skull. For once, the attack was unprovoked. However, Allen was terrified of Road and made an effort to avoid her at all costs. The Black Order considered hiring a full-time therapist.

98. If you value your sanity, Allen's room is off limits ( Unless you're a Noah, but they are still scared too. But not Road. The logic behind this is that she is the most terrifying thing in existence.)

a) Allen, no how cute he looks, is a messed-up child and we can hear horrible things from that room in the middle of the night

b) Link has been seen come out of the room crying and shaking, saying things about Alice clowns and evil winter

It happened on a day Lavi was bored. He dared Kanda and Krory to go into Allen's room. They came back screaming with a thousand white lions chasing them and Allen evil koling following, creepily.

99. The song "Bad Apple" is not allowed to be played in the Order because Allen, Road, and Tyki start to sing really creepily

a) And it gives people nightmares

b) As we learned from the End of All Hope, Slaying the Dreamer, Love Game, and many, many others, these three are not to be trusted while singing

In their defense, the song was pretty awesome. But having Allen and Tyki harmonizing and switching parts with Road while they did some very bizarre dance choreography was rather terror inducing. Also, Copyright Laws. The Black Order just did not have the time or money for a lawsuit.

100. Just don't mention our resident Noah to Hevlaska

a) Even she can suffer from anxiety.

Hevlaska had thus far remained blissfully ignorant about Tyki and Road. And then Reever slipped up. To say Hevlaska wasn't too pleased about the Noah hanging around was the understatement of her century. The fact that she was the only one acting that way didn't help either. Almost everyone else was so used to the Noah's presence in the Order that Road coming through one of her doors, or Tyki running through a wall didn't even phase them. But Hevlaska's sudden introduction to the both of them during the Hyper Kanda Incident didn't win the Noah any points with her. Everyone decided it was easier not to discuss the Noah with Hevlaska.

101. Telling Timothy about the Tooth Fairy is a BAD idea

a) He will believe you

b) And beat people up for their teeth

c) Or dig up bodies in graveyards

d) Which results in him getting arrested

The police where not pleased. Neither was Allen. Even if Kanda did get punched in the face. No one knew where Timothy had run off to, or even if he was still alive, until the boy in question possessed Allen's body, breaking rule 7. Allen was not pleased. Neither was Kanda. However, both were prohibited from taking revenge on Timothy. Klaud Nine decided to pay her apprentice a visit.

102. Do not turn Tyki into an eight year old

a) We already have Kanda

b) Komui still doesn't have an antidote

c) But he swears the effects will wear off in about a week

Komurin tried to neutralize the threat. Apparently, neutralizing consisted of turning said threat into an eight year old. Lenalee destroyed the Komurin, kicked Komui, and then ran off with Tyki. Chibi Tyki acted adorable and looked cute. Lenalee was unable to resist his charms. Allen could not disguise his need to barf as the stomach flu.

103. Do not sic Tyki and Kanda on Link and Rouvelier

a) We don't care how funny it is to watch Two-Spot and Wanna-Be-Hitler get chased around HQ by two eight year olds

b) The higher-ups are still pretending that they know nothing about the Noah being here

c) That doesn't work when they get a report detailing the 'tag game'

A surprise inspection, a surprised pair of eight year olds, an annoying Hitler wannabe. In their defense, it was funny. What wasn't funny was all the paperwork delivered to Komui the next day. At least, it wasn't funny to Reever, Johnny, and all the other scientists who had to haul all of it up to Komui's office, and then watch him until he completed all of it. They eventually just recruited Kanda and Tyki to keep an eye on the Chief. Every time Komui slacked off (or looked like he was slacking off), Kanda got to poke him with Mugen and Tyki slipped an ice cube down his shirt. Positive reinforcement.

104. No Toga Parties in the dining hall

a) People eat in there for God's sake!

b) And teach Tyki how to tie a toga!

Kanda came up with this one, surprisingly. Then again, Lavi probably hung him out a window. It was easy to be a menace to the eight year olds. You just had to be taller than them. Many people requested medical leave and a reference to a good psychiatrist. Miranda was mortified and Allen was slowly bouncing his head against a wall on the second floor. Tyki was unashamed.

105. No hanging the eight year olds out windows

a) This is something Jasdevi would do

b) And we aren't testing the immortality of the Noah either

c) Kanda isn't even a Noah!

It was certainly an interesting sight; Lavi holding Kanda and Tyki out the window by their ankles, the two children promising to kill him in creative ways, Kanda cursing like crazy, and Tyki unable to summon his Tease. Lavi's defense was that they irritated him. Lenalee slapped him and made him clean Komui's office.

106. Do not tell Road that Rouvelier was mean to Allen

a) Even if it's true

b) We all know how sadistic that girl can be

Lavi and Allen got in trouble. It came as no surprise to anyone, but Rouvelier still used it as a chance to punish Allen. Lavi told Road all about it. Road got mad. Rouvelier got... missing. Nobody even cared. Until about two weeks later when the Vatican sent a letter asking why he hadn't reported. Komui found the twenty-five pages to be a good pillow when piles atop his other reports.

107. Do Not give Road Strobe Lights

a) She is sadistic

b) And doesn't need sleep

Komui gave Road strobe lights for a service she had recently done for HQ. She set them up all over headquarters. Ten people had seizures. Allen and Tyki were skipping through the halls, laughing happily and singing something about 'shampoo feet'. Komui barricade himself in his lab.

108. Dance Parties are prohibited

a) While Link and Rouvelier are inspecting headquarters

b) Or at four in the morning

c) Some people need sleep to function properly

d) Or just plain function

The Unholy Alliance struck again. They declared that everyone needed to unwind. Relax. And dance. Because it's relaxing to watch everyone around you suffering from tourettes while listening to deafening music. Link decided to talk to Hevlaska for six hours and the inspector disappeared somewhere to make a cake. Allen and Tyki were inseparable; everyone was pretty sure it was the effects of the strobe lights again. And Lavi kept running into walls. Bookman left for Antarctica, saying that it was of great importance to commune with the penguins. Everyone hoped it was code for something, otherwise the old panda had finally lost it.

109. If you find some sort of inter-dimensional portal, alternate reality, or rouge authors, please submit a report to Komui

a) No, this is not a joke. Yes, these things (apparently) exist

b) Allen is to be kept away from any of the above mentioned things at all costs

c) Road isn't allowed to explore the 21st century Russia

d) The Technician is to be kept far away from the Black Order and it's employees

Very few people understood this rule, which was probably for the best. There had been a few recent anomalies in the inter-dimensional space containing the 19th century, the 21st century, Doctor Who, Hetalia, Bleach, an alternate reality of the 21st century called Bones, and many many more. The Black Order requested that a highly skilled and fully debriefed therapist be assigned to HQ, as several key members were going through psychological breakdowns, Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, Male Pregnancies, delusions of being a Time Lord, and random adventures with certifiably insane authors.

* * *

Allen walked through a dimly lit room, stepping lightly on soft pillows. He was searching for something, but had no clue what it was. Bending down, he turned over a pillow, revealing nothing beneath it. Troubled, he replaced the pillow and moved on to the next. Pillow after pillow was picked up and replaced, nothingness showing through in spots. Allen spun around, feeling dizzy, before collapsing to the pillow strewn floor. "Nothing. It's all nothing. Nobody."

Lenalee stood over Allen where he lay, twitching, on his bed. She squeezed Lavi's hand tightly. "What do we do? I can't wake him up. He just moans and rolls around."

Lavi looked pained. "Lenalee, fingers!" She loosened her grip on his hand and continued to watch Allen anxiously. Lavi continued. "I've tried everything I can. Water, music, food, nothing wakes him up! Kanda, how about you?" Lavi turned to look at the stoic dark-haired male leaning against the door frame.

"Che. I've done everything Lenalee has allowed me to do. But I-" A slight whimper from Allen cut him off. Lavi leaned closer to the white-haired boy.

"Hold on, I think he's saying something." Lavi told his two friends. The three were silent, straining to hear.

"No...body. Nobody reads. Author's notes."

Lavi's eyes bulged. Lenalee's face turned white. Kanda unsheathed Mugen. Then,

"There's nothing under the pillow." Allen sighed unhappily and rolled over.

Silence.

"Accomplice!"

* * *

I apologize for the last rule. But not really. I actually enjoyed it a bit too much. This Rulebook began by mocking the more common fanfictions of DGM; m-pregs, potions, crossovers, etc... But, let me just say that I really enjoy those fics. So I don't mean to be insulting if you write these sorts of fics. Cause I love them too!

WOOHOO! One-hundred and nine rules!

Fun fact: Tourette syndrome (TS) is an inherited disorder of the nervous system, characterized by a variable expression of unwanted movements and noises (tics).

Now, I realize that some people do indeed read the author's notes. But, this was a question I asked at the beginning of a chapter and got no responses on. So I give you Allen's nightmare! And now I am going to run and hide from Kanda, Lavi, and Lenalee! Bye now!


	8. Easter, Eggs, and Peeps

Ok, I have no idea how this turned out. This is your Easter Special. Written by someone high on candy (and no, not the chocolates mentioned in this chapter), and who is beginning to understand sleep deprivation as a torture tactic. So, if there are any mistakes, please let me know and I will fix them. And feel free to tell me what you think of the little surprise at the end of the chapter. OH! I'm a beta reader now, use me! Ok, that sounded weird. Even to me.

There are many people to thank today. First off,** Pocket-pon**: For the hysterical conversation we had that spawned the 'Allen, what are you eating?', Tyki's mental handbasket, and 'The Angel of Greatness and Light! And sugar.'! Also, for rule 114, had a hand in rule 113, and, heck, just assume that she assisted with every rule that didn't come from anyone else! Now,** Lonewolf685: **First, for messaging me nonstop, reminding me to make a beta profile, and finally, for rules 117 and 118. Next, **Yami-Chan-123:** Helped to develop Sara Daniels, who, without Yami-chan, would have simply been 'the therapist'. And that would have been depressing. Finally,** WouldBeExorcist:** I took (with permission) the description of Kanda's clothes from her marvelous story titled **Change of Pace**. I suggest you check it out! And I also borrowed the idea of the giant-rabbit Komlin from her Easter one-shot. The rabbit idea is also somewhat owned by Pocket-pon, who reminded me that Lavi really needed to take a trip... Now, I feel like I am missing something, so if you recognize it, kindly shoot me a message informing me. I will fix it.

This chapter is dedicated to the amazing reviewer **Booklover2526**. I got a spark of genius, and created a whole chapter, because of the rule suggestion, which created rule 110, as well as the beginning story, which was a lot of fun to write!

* * *

Tyki looked down at the box doubtfully. "Road, these...well, what are these?"

Road grinned at him, the evil glint in her eyes reminding him of her 'father' for some reason. "Silly little Tyki! These are called peeps!"

Tyki glared at her. He did not like being reminded of his predicament, and only the fact that he was not suffering alone kept him from running back to the Earl and demanding he fix the mess. Kanda was just like him, and somehow that comforted the eight year old Noah. "Peeps." He still sounded skeptical, and Road rolled her eyes at his tone. "And what, exactly, do peeps do?"

Road gazed at the box with an adoring expression. "Peeps are sugary goodness. But these ones are special. Do you remember what happened when Allen ate the chocolate covered coffee beans?" Tyki winced, and Road continued. "Well, imagine that times ten! I had Komui mix up a little something for me, under the pretext of trying it on Akuma. But now, now this will bring about the best Easter the Order has ever seen!"

Tyki looked confused. "What's Easter?"

XxXxXxX

Tyki and Road phased through the wall of Allen's bedroom, thankful upon finding the boy still asleep. Road let go of little Tyki's hand and skipped over to Allen's bed. She looked down at him for a few seconds, then swooped in to kiss him.

"Gah! Road, no kissing! No!"

Road giggled and jumped back to avoid Allen's half-asleep swipe with his Innocence. Tyki scowled at her and jumped up onto Allen's bed. Allen gasped as the little Noah sat on his stomach and grabbed his mouth. Road took advantage of the moment to shove a small yellow object in between Allen's lips. Allen choked and tried to spit out the object, but Tyki closed his mouth and pinched his nose, forcing Allen to swallow it.

"Tyki," Road whined, "he's supposed to chew it first!"

Allen gagged and bucked, sending Tyki sprawling onto the floor. "What the hell, Road!" Allen yelled. "What was that?"

Road gave him an I'm-so innocent-look-at-my-cute-halo look, that Allen did not buy. "A peep."

"A peep. What the hell is a peep?!" Allen clutched his throat, swallowing hard.

Tyki pushed himself off the ground and glared balefully at Allen. "Wow, boy. Not much of a gentleman, are you? Such language." He made a tsking noise and shook his head. "A peep is an Easter treat. It's surprisingly tasty. Road gave me some before we came to you."

Allen took a deep breath and looked back at Road. "Sorry for yelling at you." Some part of his brain was yelling at him for apologizing to a Noah, but he ignored it with practiced ease. "Wait." He frowned, thinking. "Do peeps have sugar?"

Road smiled sweetly. "Of course they do, Allen. Would you like another?" She grinned at his hand, which was outstretched, reaching for the box of peeps she held.

Allen nodded guilty. Road grinned at him again, and offered the box. He took it, and began eating. Tyki watched from where he leaned against the door. He had a feeling that one day, humankind would look back and realize that it was on the day that Road gave Allen Walker peeps that everything went completely and totally to hell. In a handbasket. A lovely lilac one, with ice-blue ribbon, and crimson blood-spatters. And to complete the look, he tossed in a tiny white kitten dragging a severed hand to the mental image.

Allen was in heaven. If he had been asked at that moment, he would have eagerly proclaimed Road an Angel of Greatness and Light. It had a nice ring to it. The sugar and marshmallow fluff were overwhelming his senses; he could feel that peculiar pressure in his head, the beginnings of a sugar rush. Everything was sharpening before his eyes, and his hand started twitching. Allen grabbed another peep from the box and stuffed it in his mouth. This was heaven.

Tyki looked over at the First. She was watching her Allen carefully, perverse grin on her face, satisfying his desire for sugar with her specially made treats. Tyki's Noah memories had shown him what the fourteenth had been like on sugar, and it wasn't pretty. He was pretty sure Road was doing this for that reason alone. The door Tyki was leaning against was forcibly shoved open, sending him flying for the second time that day. As he fell to the ground, Tyki caught a glimpse of red hair.

XxXxXxX

Lavi was frantic. He had been searching for Allen since six that morning, and had staked out the dining hall for all of breakfast before Lenalee saw fit to inform him that Allen had not yet woken. So he had to run all the way to Allen's room to tell him something, something of utmost importance. And when he had opened the door, he felt something on the other side resisting the motion. So he did what anyone would do and shoved the door harder. The resistance was no match for him. Upon opening the door, Lavi found a rather ruffled Tyki lying on the floor, and Road feeding Allen something yellow. Lavi ignored the voice that told him to question this scene and instead spoke in a tense voice.

"Allen, we need to-"

"Give Rouvelier a present!" Allen said brightly.

Lavi blinked. Allen blinked back. Lavi blinked again. Allen cocked his head to the side and Lavi copied his movement. Then Allen smiled, revealing a mouthful of yellowness.

Lavi twitched. "What now? Rolly's gone missing! He's been gone for a week now! How would you even give him a present?"

"I'm going to the Vatican. I'll leave him a present if I have to. Wanna come?" Allen was gazing at Lavi with wide, innocent, and suspiciously shiny eyes.

"Allen, what, exactly, are you eating?" Lavi asked warily.

"Peeps!"

That one word terrified Lavi. "Peeps." he repeated. "Allen, who gave you those peeps?"

"The Angel of Greatness and Light! And sugar. That should be added." Allen gestured to Road.

Lavi looked from the grinning "angel" to the Tyki-shape on the floor. "And what's that?"

"The infernal pipsqueak."

"Hey!" Tyki shouted, "I can hear you, stupid Noah-chan!"

Allen's grin turned dangerously sharp for an instant, before he swallowed the yellow mass in his mouth. "So, do you want to come give Rouvelier a present?"

"What sort of present?" Lavi asked in a slightly higher than normal tone of voice.

Allen frowned and turned to Road. She looked back to Lavi with a bored expression. "A candle one, obviously."

Lavi gulped. "I, uh, I don't think so, but make sure you bring me back a souvenir. Have fun guys!" He edged towards the door, trying to ignore the predatory way Allen and Road watched his not-so-subtle movements. Reaching the blessed open space of the hallway behind him, Lavi turned and ran. He wasn't a coward, not really, it was just that the rabbit in him knew when it was time to turn his back on insanity and not get swept up in it.

And so it was because of this that Lavi missed the planning of two of the most terrifying Noahs in existence, one of whom moonlighted as the Destroyer of Time.

Back in the room, Road and Allen stared at the still open door, watching and waiting. When Lavi didn't reappear, Road turned to look at Allen, and was startled to see a familiar grayness creeping across his skin.

"Neah?" she asked hesitantly.

'Allen' looked at her, right eye gold, left eye its normal blue-silver. "Name's Red. Neah's here too." His voice was harsh, it sounded choppy and strained. "And you better not forget me." This voice was smoother, but still rough, Allen's usual voice spoken lower. "They call me Black Allen. Do you want to know why?"

Road shook her head quickly. She was impressed that her little Allen-kun had managed to maintain his innocent facade if this was what he dealt with on a daily basis. "No thanks. Um, why are you two out? Where's Neah?"

"Here." The right eye closed, then opened again, independent from the left. "It's rather crowded in my poor nephew's mind right now. We should get going before he tries to take control again." Allen's body, controlled by several entities working together in a somewhat united fashion, lurched from the bed like a zombie and shuffled toward the door. Road could hear indistinct muttering, along with some audible words. "Ok, we need to work together.", "I agree. Someone needs to be in charge, before we walk into a wall.", "Allow me.", "Hell no! He's my nephew, you lot are just tag-alongs.", "That's rich, coming from you!", "Why you, I outta..." and then more mumblings. Road just sighed and rolled her eyes. This was going to be a long trip.

XxXxXxX

Komui was sitting in his office, bored. He stared glumly at the piles of paperwork surrounding him, silently urging them to do themselves. When that didn't happen, he did the next best thing, and pulled the closest stack to him, spread them out in a mound on the desk, then laid his head down on the white papers to get some well deserved rest. He just hoped that he wouldn't wake up with black smudges all over his face.

The phone rang. Komui hated the phone. It only ever rang when something went wrong on a mission, or one of those penicorns at the Vatican calling to whine about the war. He considered ignoring it, but the pile of paperwork awaiting him on his desk prompted him to pick up the phone. _Might as well pretend to be working_ he reasoned.

"Hello, Komui speaking."

"KOMUI! WHAT ARE THE NOAH DOING HERE?!" the voice from the phone nearly deafened Komui. He grimaced and held the phone away from his ear.

"I'm sorry. They promised that they wouldn't do that until next week." Komui tried to sound surprised, but grinned widely as the sounds of crashes and screams traveled through the phone. He hadn't heard anything nearly as wonderful since Lenalee's first word; brother. "What are they doing?"

"THEY SET UP TRAPS ALL OVER THE PLACE! WE CAN'T MAKE IT OUTSIDE, BECAUSE THE DOORS ARE GUARDED BY A GIANT RABBIT!"

Komui giggled and tried to disguise it as a cough. "I'm very sorry to hear that! Well, I hope they calm down soon." The person on the other end began shouting again, but Komui tuned it out, focusing instead on the Ark door that had appeared in the middle of his office. Road stepped out, and Komui crooked a finger, motioning her over. He covered the phone with his hand. "Road, would you be a dear and, ahem, fix the phone lines? I'd be very grateful." Road grinned and skipped out the door. Komui pretended to listen to the screaming idiot on the phone, grunting and making sympathetic noises whenever the other paused for breath. A few minutes later, the phone went dead, and Komui tossed it back onto its stand on the desk.

Road walked back into his office and headed for the Ark door.

"Road." Komui called out. She looked back at him. "I assume the rabbit was you?"

Road grinned. "Yup! And Allen's picking up some of my tricks pretty fast!"

Komui returned her grin. "Give 'em hell, girl."

Road snapped off a salute and then hopped through the door. Komui sighed deeply, then leaned back in his chair. He hoped the Vatican would enjoy their Easter present. It had taken a lot of time and effort on his part to plan it. He closed his eyes and sank into a gentle sleep, happily imagining what horrors the penicorns were going through at that very moment.

* * *

110. Allen is not allowed to have peeps

a) Yes, we do mean those sugary little yellow things

b) Key word there is sugary

c) Hyper Allen seems to awaken 'Red', an entity we do NOT want plaguing us for any length of time

d) Because then Black Allen hops on the bandwagon and Neah joins in on the fun

e) Taking the Ark on a joyride is also not allowed by decree of the Vatican

It was discovered that Allen and peeps just didn't mix. Which was rather surprising, considering how many sweets Allen ate after being saddled with Link. Lenalee suspected that Road probably had something to do with it, seeing as she was the one who gave Allen the peeps. And went on his 'mission' with him. Lavi agreed that it was suspicious, especially as Road hadn't been seen since she and Allen had gotten back. Komui eventually disconnected the phone to deal with the calls made by traumatized Vaticans. He had given Road a small box as a favor for cutting the phone lines.

111. Declaring an Order-wide Easter Egg Hunt is prohibited

a) To the individuals requesting that Jadevi be invited to the Black Order: HELL NO!

b) Easter is not a day off: Scientist's, get back to work!

c) Someone, confiscate Allen's peeps!

d) Please deliver all Eggs found to Jerry for culinary purposes

Some genius had been putting up fliers about a Black Order Easter Egg Hunt for the past week. Komui had to make a big announcement informing everyone that there was no Easter Egg Hunt. Then he had to deal with the letters asking if Jasdevi and Wisely could come and participate in the Easter Festivities. Komui ran off to the labs and declared Easter a day off, leaving Reever to deal with the rest of the insanity. Reever made Tyki drag Komui out and then got everyone working again. That was about the time when someone noticed the Easter eggs hidden throughout the building. Komui blamed Allen, Allen said it was Kanda, Kanda declared it to be Lavi's fault. Lavi claimed it was Link, and Link insisted it was Tyki. Tyki stuck him halfway through a wall and ran off with the still hyper Allen. It was soon discovered that some of the eggs were plastic and held peeps inside. Or rather, they used to. Allen had a knack for finding the peeps. It was decided that Jerry would get all the real eggs and make an Easter Dinner. And Road was mysteriously absent for these events. Komui was worried.

112. Scan the eggs before touching

a) Some are packed with high quantities of explosives

b) Others contain onion gas

c) Portable scanners are in Komui's office, use those

d) Someone, find John!

John had come to the Black Order to visit his father. He had brought some gifts for the members and, with Tyki's help, distributed the fake eggs among the real ones. Some were masquerading as peeps. Allen, who was still hunting for peeps, almost got his hand blown off, and Lavi got gassed. Lavi had to go to the infirmary for damage to the blood vessels in his eye. John, employing Tyki's powers, escaped the angry mob chasing him and took the wall-stuck Link hostage. No one really cared. Lenalee was only concerned for John's well-being once the mob caught up to him. But for now, he, Tyki, Allen, and Link were hidden somewhere in the walls of the Black Order and no one could find them. John's father was sobbing about how his little boy had grown up so much.

113. Lavi is not allowed to dress up in a bunny suit and parade around with a basketful of live rabbits

a) Or wear/steal (Komui's potions to make) rabbit ears

b) Easter is not the time for a family gathering

c) Timothy will not come out of Lenalee's room; it appears that he is terrified of rabbits

d) Komui is useless; he seems to have a soft spot for rabbits

e) Please, will someone find Road? It scares us when she is gone for this long and something **hasn't** gone wrong

Lavi came down to lunch wearing a bright pink Bunny suit. Allen, Tyki, John, and the captured Link(all of whom had shown up for one of Allen's favorite meals of the day (besides Breakfast and Dinner), Link now sporting a lovely purple collar with an attached leash that was once one of Reever's ties) were incapacitated by laughter, making it easy for the Finders who had been tailing them all morning to retrieve the four and take them into solitary for detox from their sugar highs. Timothy, upon seeing the Bunny-Lavi, threw his tray of food into the air and ran screaming from the room. He went straight to Lenalee and hid under her bed. Nothing anyone did made any difference. Lenalee complained to her brother, who claimed that there was nothing he could do. Lenalee confided in Miranda, telling her that Komui really just had a soft spot for rabbits. Something about a hunting trip gone awry and 7 litters of baby bunnies. Everyone was checking behind them every few seconds. Road had still not been found.

114. Share the alcoholic Easter candy!

a) It's not fair if only some people get drunk off the chocolate!

b) Let everyone join in the merriness!

c) It's safer to be drunk with friends than it is alone!

d) And with friends you have a better chance of getting some awesome blackmail material!

A search of Tyki's and Allen's rooms revealed a stash of Easter chocolates that had been bought in town in preparations for the holiday. Lavi and Lenalee took possession of the stash, saying that they would keep it safe until the two were released from isolation. Thirty minutes and several handfuls of the candies later, it was discovered that they contained liqueur. Lavi was dressed once more in his bunny suit and Lenalee had donned a pair of ears. The two of them ran around the Black Order, handing out chocolates to everyone they came across. It was about this time that someone released the four from isolation. Allen was still hyper. Eight year old Tyki was still an eight year old. John was...John. And Link had been turned into a real rabbit with the use of one of Komui's potions. Tyki found Road's camera. People also began wondering about the mental health of the rule makers. Some of them seemed pretty whacked. Lavi then terrified everyone by wondering about the whereabouts of Kanda.

115. Let it be known that Kanda does not appreciate pastel colors

a) It would be best to stay away from him and Road for the time being

b) Don't comment on his hair

c) Or his choice of clothing

d) The skirt was not his idea

e) Neither was the tail

Well, everyone found out where Road had been. She had trapped the poor, defenseless eight year old Kanda in his room, confiscated Mugen, hid all of his clothing so he couldn't find them, and forced him to play dress-up. And then did his hair. With permanent pastel blue hair dye. And he was wearing eyeshadow. Road had dressed him in a cream high-collared blouse with puffed sleeves, and a light blue Empire skirt. And for a finishing touch, she glued a puffy white rabbit tail to the back. Kanda was then forcibly shoved out of the room and paraded through the Black Order. Lavi commented on Yuu's new look and was promptly kicked in the groin by the enraged chibi. Then the great game of tag began.

116. Tag, Easter style

a) Kanda is 'it'

b) Road is the one being chased

c) Start your own tag game, don't join theirs

d) Unless you want to die

After kicking the drunken Lavi, Kanda began chasing Road around the Black Order. Lavi joined them, and was pushed down three flights of stairs and out the bottom floor window. Then Allen and Tyki began racing around, tagging people. Komui saw the tag game as a way to skive off work and all the scientists joined in. Soon, there were two tag games going on; one in which Kanda was going to kill Road, and one in which everyone avoided Kanda, assisted Road, and avoided Allen and Tyki. At some point, Link and John joined in, making a pact and setting up a pillow fort on the fourth floor. John had gotten ahold of some of the Easter Chocolates and fed them to an unresisting Link. Kanda was finding it hard to run in a skirt, but couldn't find any clothes that would fit him, seeing as Road had hidden all of his and Tyki's room had no door. Bookman was still in Antarctica and had taken all of his clothes with him. Kanda hated the penguins more than ever.

117. Don't ask to go with Road to her family dinner.

a) Oh my God, people! Road and Tyki may be...friendly...but we are still at war

b) It may be true that Akuma are good chefs, but the food really isn't worth the lives of your finders

c) Even if you survive, Jerry will kill you to maintain his chef's honor

d) He did make an Easter dinner, after all

Once Kanda was finally caught and calmed down with a bowl of Soba, Lavi, Allen, Tyki, Link, Lenalee, and Johnny began making plans for an Easter Dinner at the Earl's. Road had just opened her door when Komui showed up. The next thirty minutes were filled with Komui's panicked screams of "My dear sweet Lenalee! How could you abandon me for that...that...butterfly!", Link's hysterical giggles as he ran repeatedly into a wall, and Lavi and Allen's shout's of terror as Jerry chased them, sobbing about how "Allen doesn't like my cooking! I'm a horrible chef. He is going to abandon me for the Earl and his Akuma cooks! How could you, Allen! And Lavi, you would abandon me as well?". Lavi was in the same state as Link, meaning drunk from the chocolates, but he had enough mental capacity left to determine that when someone runs at you with a knife, the best thing to do is run away. He managed that step, but his mental abilities failed him completely when he went to get Kanda to defend him and Allen from the depressed chef.

118. Don't tell Road's father she hangs out at the Order.

a) He's the Noah of Desire and the Prime Minister of Portugal. He could buy us out if he wanted to!

b) His abilities allow him to break every bone in your body simply by wiggling his fingers

c) He doesn't like that Road and the 14th might have had a relationship

d) His daughter-complex can rival Komui's sister-complex

Sheryl received a mysterious tip from an unknown source, informing him that Road was at the Black Order, and in a relationship with Allen. Sheryl immediately invaded the Black Order HQ and began hunting for Allen and his darling Road. He had the unfortunate fate to meet Link, who offered to show him to the rabbit. Sheryl was disturbed to discover that the junior Bookman was wearing a rabbit costume (again) and appeared to be as drunk as the Link guy. Sheryl decided that the Black Order was definitely not an appropriate place for his daughter and took Lavi as a hostage to trade for Road. He was attacked by Allen and Kanda, both of whom Sheryl simply immobilized and brought along as back-up hostages. Then Lenalee came to save them, resulting in a complex stand-off. Meaning that Sheryl stood at one end of the room, while Komui stood at the other, and they spent several minutes yelling, "My precious, mine!", "My darling Road!", "My dear, sweet Lenalee!". Road and Lenalee were both held in tight hugs by their respective complexes. In silent agreement, they kicked the two men in the, ahem, pride of their family lineage, and fled the room with the hostages. After wheezing and gasping for a few minutes, Sheryl and Komui came to an agreement and peace reigned. Until Komui told Tyki that he was in charge of watching his brother.

119. Beware the giant-rabbit Komlin

a) The eggs it lays are not edible

b) Do not let eat you; i.e. Do not end up like Lavi

c) Someone needs to hunt down and kill Komui

d) And someone else needs to watch the body for signs of respawning

A normal day. That was all the finders asked for. But no, instead they were charged with destroying a giant-rabbit Komlin Komui had made to spread the Easter cheer. In the form of a ginormous metal rabbit that hopped around HQ and ate people. Lavi was the first victim. He went to embrace his "brother" and was instantly consumed within the giant metal maw. Allen and a few Unidentified Finders sprang into action to rescue the Baka Usagi, but with no luck. Then, just when it seemed to late to save him, the rabbit...deposited...a large metal egg, which cracked open, revealing a traumatized Lavi. "Oh God, please tell me it spat me out! Don't have let me come out the other end!" He screamed. At some point during Lavi's hysterics, the Komlin hopped away to terrorize a new victim. The new victim happened to be Kanda. His egg, however, didn't crack. And Miranda and Marie had no clue what was going on. Road was with them, however, and made the mistake of opening the egg. What followed was chaos. Complete and utter chaos, in the form of Kanda jumping out of the shell, and Road fleeing through the corridors shouting at the top of her lungs, "Don't open the eggs! There are Kandas! No candy! Run, run for your lives!". And once more, the rabbit escaped.

120. Allen is NOT a girl

a) Quit changing him into one

b) It disturbs us

c) And him

d) You will pay. One day you will pay

How any, let alone all, of this random stuff managed to happen all on one day in the entire year was a question nobody bothered asking. But Allen, upon looking in the mirror after a snack, asked an even better one. "Why me?!". Allen was a girl. A very pretty girl, with very nice long hair. And a very feminine physique. It was determined to be Komui's fault. Or rather, Kanda had been bribed by the scientists to add one of Komui's potions to the Chief's food. Only, Kanda had "accidentally" mixed the foods up, resulting in Allen getting the potion instead. And turning into a girl. Tyki was pissed. Allen, who had finally gotten over his sugar high, teamed up with the 14th. Again. Lavi just spent the whole time laughing and holding his head. He was finally sobering up. Lenalee, not so much.

121. Road gets revenge

a) Every time

b) You do not want to be the one she gets revenge against

c) Turning Allen into a girl equals one hellish teaparty

d) Remember the rule about teaparties?

Road had liked her Allen the way he was. Everyone, with exception of Kanda, who was involved with the gender-changing event was forcibly rounded up and taken through one of Road's door by Sheryl, who was more than willing to help out his adorable daughter. Road let Kanda be. There were rumors going around that she had adopted him as a big brother. Needless to say, Kanda was horrified. But also thankful that he didn't have to endure another teaparty. The 14th simply enjoyed the situation and his nephew's, er, niece's obvious discomfort with her new body. Allen was not a fan of the female body. Not when it was his body. Lenalee couldn't hide her laughter as she helped the little lady choose a new outfit, and find some undergarments. And Lavi kept getting nosebleeds.

122. Easter is outlawed at the Black Order

a) It costs way too much

b) Is emotionally and mentally scarring

c) We are now down to Komui and Reever regarding the scientists, thanks to Road

d) Allen is a girl!

e) Alcohol is no longer permitted in the Black Order due to the drunken chocolate issue

Komui knew that once this day was over and done with, he would be regretting the bill. Several floors were in disarray, the pillow fort on the fourth floor had taken all the pillows and was being guarded by the now human Link and John, as well as a few other. His precious Rabbit Komlin was hopping through the building, Kanda was chasing Lavi and the two of them were destroying room after room. Female Allen was sobbing in Lenalee's room, the majority of the scientists had been dragged off to attend Road's teaparty, and Sheryl was enjoying dinner in the dining room. But Komui also knew that he would never regret this day. After all, money was simply money, but the happiness of his people was worth so much more than some little scraps of paper with numbers stamped on them.

* * *

Sara Daniels waited patiently for the elevator doors to open. She hummed a little tune and pondered her new job. She had been thrilled when Link had contacted her, informing her that the Black Order HQ was in need of a good Therapist to help deal with psychological trauma of all kinds. She had jumped at the chance to get out of the Vatican where nothing ever happened, and useless slobs pointlessly debated matters which did not affect them, and couldn't mean a thing. And now here she was, at a turning point in her life. She fiddled with her long braid, searching her blonde hair for split ends, all the while trying to maintain a mask of confidence.

The elevator lurched to a halt and swung slightly, unsettling her. The doors opened slowly, and the ding informed her that she had arrived. Slowly, inch by inch, the Black Order was revealed to her. As soon as the doors had opened wide enough, Sara slid through and stepped onto solid ground.

Her first glance around her new home exposed complete and utter chaos. Two small boys were chasing after a white-haired girl who was sobbing. A giant metal rabbit hopped past, followed by a mob of people with an assortment of weapons. A group of white coated people were carefully placing a bright pink egg in a thick glass container while attempting to capture another small boy who was trying to retrieve the egg, and another group were chasing a red-haired boy with pillows, led by Link. Sara swore she could feel her brain break. She had never seen insanity on this level before. A person stepped in front of her, amiable features breaking into a gentle smile.

"Why hello there! You must be Miss Daniels."

Sara struggled to connect the face with the files she had read in preparation for this job. Finally, "Komui Lee, Chief. Uh, it's nice to meet you. And you can call me Sara." She looked around blankly, hoping that Komui would understand her wordless confusion.

Luckily, he did. "We've had a bit of a crazy Easter here. I'm sure your schedule will be quite busy for the next few weeks."

Sara just nodded. She had stepped into something that even the idiots at the Vatican couldn't understand. Beneath the craziness was something Sara Daniels had never experienced. There was a unity, a purpose to each of these people. They had a mutual connection, a constant goal, and there was something else. Something deeper.

Sara's train of thought was derailed by someone running into her and sending both of them flying backwards. Sara automatically held the person to her as her back hit the elevator doors behind. She grunted as the air left her lungs, and for a moment, panicked, unable to draw breath. But after a moment or two of graceless gasping, she succeeded in drawing breath. The person clutched against her pulled away slightly, and Sara found herself face to face with the white-haired girl. Komui's hand reached down and pulled the girl off, then offered it to Sara, who took it. Once back on her feet, Sara was surprised as the girl jerked into a bow.

"I'm so sorry, ma'am!" the girl cried out.

Sara reached out and pulled the girl into a standing position. She smiled warmly at the girl, taking note of the scar above her left eye and the silver-blue of the eyes themselves. "It's nothing. I'm just glad you're not hurt. I noticed you crying earlier, maybe sometime we could talk."

The girl glanced at Komui.

"This is Sara Daniels. She is the Therapist the Vatican assigned us." Komui spoke to the girl, resting his hand on her shoulder. "And this," he said to Sara, gesturing toward the girl, "is Allen Walker. He's going to be your first patient while we wait for the potion to wear off."

Sara stared in disbelief at the girl. This was Allen Walker, the host for the fourteenth Noah, the most feared person at Central aside from the Earl, and Hevlaska's prophesied Destroyer of Time? "But, you're so polite!" Sara said in surprise, then clapped her hands over her mouth. "Sorry." she apologized to Allen.

Allen smiled at her tentatively. "It's all right. This can't be the easiest day to have arrived. I understand." As if to verify this, there was a loud explosion from somewhere close by, and Komui shrieked.

"No! Thumper! They killed Thumper!" he ran off, towards the source of the explosion.

Sara stared after him, debating whether to follow or not. Allen laughed. "It's ok. Thumper's been eating people, we needed to get rid of it somehow. Komui doesn't agree with us about his Komlins. He's very protective." At Sara's confused glance, Allen clarified, "Thumper was the giant metal rabbit. Komlins are robots Komui insists on making instead of doing his actual work."

Sara nodded, a little dazed by the events happening around here. Allen noticed this. "Don't worry. Things are starting to wind down. Be grateful Link isn't still a rabbit. And Lavi isn't drunk anymore. Lenalee is though, she keeps stealing my chocolates. John made explosive Easter Eggs, so you probably shouldn't touch the pink ones. Kanda and Tyki are the eight year olds. You can just ignore them. I'll show you to the dining hall. Jerry, the chef, made a delicious Easter Dinner I've been dying to eat! And you can probably talk to Sheryl. Road didn't let him come to the teaparty, and he doesn't want to deal with the politics in Portugal right now, so he's hiding out here." he tugged Sara's hand, pulling her down the hallway.

As she walked alongside the Destroyer of Time, Sara continued to ponder the something that had been eluding her. The something deeper, the thing that tied everyone here together. There were bonds between the members of the Black Order, bonds deeper than any she had witnessed before. It was a sense of family. Somehow, incredibly, there was a family between them. Tyki, the eight year old Allen had spoke of, he was a Noah. And Kanda, the other one, he was the only surviving Second Exorcist. Allen himself was a Noah, an exorcist, and somehow, a girl. Sara didn't understand how any of this was possible. But it was undeniable. It had happened. She frowned, remembering something Allen had said. "Allen?" she asked hesitantly, "Isn't Sheryl a Noah?"

Allen just grinned.

* * *

If you want to know exactly what the word penicorns means, look it up on urban dictionary. It's a pretty fun word. Anyway, Happy Easter, peeps! You all get marshmallows!

I am planning for the next chapter to include all the rule ideas you wonderful people have sent me that I haven't yet done. So, it will hopefully be another long one!


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